U Mad Sis?

As I have commented on before at some length [1] on the subject of memes, I would like to comment on one of them in particular. Among my favorite images (aside, of course, from the “Haters Gonna Hate” that is my icon for this particular blog) is a picture of a small child that has the caption, “U Mad Bro?” The obvious point of the picture, of course, is to comment that sometimes when people are upset the reason is not obvious, and that a question asking why someone else is mad is sometimes appropriate and worthwhile, as we are not particularly good skilled at mind reading as a general rule. As much as we might expect others to know exactly why we are mad, this is not a given nor is it necessarily fair.

I should note that I am not commenting here on a situation where someone is mad at me (as that would be the obvious assumption people would tend to make), but rather a situation where I have seen someone mad at someone else among my circle of friends and acquaintances. As is often the case, there is a relationship of sorts between two people (albeit a complicated one), the young man said something a bit foolish in trying to deny that there was anything intimate between them, and that denial made the young woman upset enough not to speak to him for several days. As this person is a friend of mine, I asked her why she was mad, and then guessed what he should have said instead (which was what she wanted him to say, a non-denial denial about what the two of them were doing (that is, it’s none of anyone’s business) rather than an attempt to say that there was nothing going on). While I was able to successfully guess what she would have wanted to say, I can imagine enough situations in my own life over the past couple of years where my first extinct was not to pull out the non-denial card but rather to seek, however successfully, to exculpate myself and to preserve the reputation of the lady involved.

Given that men have a reputation of bragging about their sexual exploits, a reputation that in some cases is undeserved, why would it be that a young man who is sleeping with a young woman would seek to downplay it? For one, a young man who was deeply interested in a young woman who only had a casual interest in him might downplay the seriousness of a relationship as a way of protecting himself from disappointment that they were not more serious in relationship (the same, of course, would easily be true in reverse). Alternatively, and less charitably, someone who was intent on playing with multiple people might also be prone to minimize the seriousness of actions taken with someone as a way of avoiding negative repercussions with any other desired couplings. Likewise, a gentleman might seek to protect the reputation of a young lady by denying or downplaying any intimacy between them. Of course, when I speak about the lack of intimacy I have with people, I speak the blunt truth, while also hoping that the blunt truth would help the reputation of those who might find themselves the subject of rumor and innuendo for spending time with me, as unfortunate as that case may be.

What is the way to resolve this sort of problem? We all make many blunders in our social lives through what we say, whether through telling too much or not enough or to the wrong person or at the wrong time or in the wrong situation. We will blunder because we try too hard or do not try hard enough. What is the solution to these blunders though? Is it not practice as to what sort of people can be trusted, what sort of phrasing works the best in different circumstances, as well as kind and clear communication by others when something is said the wrong way, or a charitable overlooking of such matters if we recognize someone as being basically good if highly imperfect (in the knowledge that we need the same gracious pardon for ourselves). Why is communication such a hard matter, given that we communicate all the time and usually genuinely desire to do it well?

[1] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/dont-have-a-cow-man/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/02/19/backlash/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/11/01/like-a-boss/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/literal-music-videos/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2010/12/05/haters-gonna-hate/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/09/23/bloggers-gonna-blog/

About nathanalbright

I'm a person with diverse interests who loves to read. If you want to know something about me, just ask.
This entry was posted in Love & Marriage, Musings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to U Mad Sis?

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