Dog Police, Nobody Knows Who You Are

Being a fan of obscure and gloriously odd music, I felt rewarded when a mostly sleepless night this weekend was punctuated by a new one hit wonder retrospective from one of my favorite You Tube personalities, who in the course of discussing one 1980’s group gave a teaser to the odd but compelling music video to the song “Dog Police” by the band “Dog Police.”  The video is nearly forgotten today, except by those who are fans of this particular channel, but it is worth looking up if you love deeply odd music and music videos.  I mention this because although the video is forgotten, it has a relevance that may not be easy to understand.  Few people, after all, could think of dog police and think there was any connection to the world in which we live.  And yet there is.

The song and video for “Dog Police” are strange in different ways.  If the lyrics of this bizarre song are taken without the video’s presentation, there are more than a few hints of bestiality involved.  The lyrics of the song are strange enough that even in the music video the bandmates of the singer give him strange looks.  One can hardly blame them [1].  Yet the music video adds a certain level of strangeness by having three men show up as the dog police and take the blind date of the singer away, and then having the band themselves appear as dogs.  Looking aback some 30 years on the music video, which I do not remember from my youth, although it would have been a far better thing to remember than some of what I did, it is hard to tell if the makeup effects were better than their standard, but they certainly make for a compelling picture that is so delightfully odd that with the blessing of hindsight it is something that many viewers will feel no need to feel guilty about.  The band Dog Police is largely forgotten and their song is an artifact of a forgotten past, but it is still a humorous past for all that.

How is this quirky video relevant?  A few months ago, I started seeing what would be attractive young ladies putting some sort of ridiculous filter on their photos to make them look like dogs.  This puzzled me when I first saw it, and it continues to puzzle me.  Why would people who enjoy posting attractive photos of themselves online, basking in the adoration of likes and shares, make themselves look worse than 1980’s practical effects of the dog police?  It is something that is hard to explain or understand.  Perhaps it might be understood that cute girls understand that dogs are cute and so they think that adapting their own looks to resemble cute dogs would make themselves at least as cute if not more cute than they are naturally, but if this is their thought, they are sadly mistaken, and their photos fall into the uncanny valley where the mix between cute puppies and cute girls is deeply odd and disturbing pictures of young women who ought to know better.  Someone ought to explain to them that it does not do them justice to make them appear like people in odd and obscure and forgotten music videos with such dark overtones.

I do not know if I am the best person to explain this to young women [2].  I often feel as if my commentary on the state of contemporary culture is unwelcome.  There is a strange uncanny valley that one falls into when one is neither old enough to be considered an expert on the culture of the past because one only knows it from books and personal research and where one is clearly far too old to be hip, if indeed one ever was.  I never was, at any rate.  Nevertheless, it is worthwhile at least to point people in the right direction, and to ask people if they want to make themselves appear as if they could be dragged off by the dog police.  I most certainly would not, and I hope that anyone who I know would want a far better fate for themselves than that.  One can only hope that this trend is one that vanishes quickly and becomes as forgotten as the music video it so closely and eerily resembles.  Let us hope we are that fortunate.

[1] See, for example:

[2] See, for example:

About nathanalbright

I'm a person with diverse interests who loves to read. If you want to know something about me, just ask.
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