Before You Say “I Do:” A Marriage Preparation Manual For Couples, by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts

Before I discuss this brief and immensely intriguing book, I would like to comment a bit about how I ended up with a second-hand copy of it. About two years ago, a close friend of mine and someone who serves, with full permission from my mother, in loco parentis (as if that was needed), was on a trip to southern Oregon to visit some family members, and the birth of their youngest child (so far) forced them to clear out some space, which ended up providing a box of books that I have read and at least partially reviewed [1]. I held on to this book, though, because its subject matter and the fact that it was designed for couples nearing marriage, which I am certainly nowhere near, not having been in a romantic relationship since 2006 and never yet having been close to marriage with anyone. When my local pastor spoke about the book in services recently [2] and the book I had expected to read today, which I had expected to be a new one, was delayed a day in shipping, I decided it would be a short enough book to read today.

It is a short book, at only 90 pages, most of which consists of questions of various shapes and sizes designed for engaged Christian couples to take a lot of the risk out of marriage by providing both of them with a clear view of themselves and their partner. Despite its small size, it manages to pack a lot of wisdom within its pages, mixing an understanding of family upbringing, personality theory via the MBTI (Myers-Briggs), scripture, and a firm belief in the equal partnership of men and women and the full blessing of God’s Word for sexuality expressed within the marriage bond. The book is divided into small chapters that deal with roles in the relationship, include a lot of questions and tests, and talk about communication at some length, along with reasons to get married and not to get married with someone.

The ultimate test of a book like this is one I am in no present position to comment on, and that is whether it makes for better marriages. To be sure, the couple whose responses fill this used copy are still together, and they took it seriously and write deeply and even awkwardly personally in these pages. Given that the book deliberately points out the folly of expecting one’s partner to engage in mind-reading and points over and over again to open and honest and kind and respectful communication as the glue that binds a relationship together, if a couple takes this book seriously and answers its questions honestly, a firm biblical foundation to marriage is provided. This not easy to do, but that is not the fault of the book (either the Bible or this manual) but rather the fault of people who are not willing to be honest or to do the hard work it requires to be of sufficiently noble character to be able to marry well. To have a loving marriage, one must be capable of showing and feeling love. To have a satisfied companion, one must be able to be empathetic and to satisfy the reasonable needs and desires of one’s partner. The fact that such work is difficult does not make it any less worthwhile, assuming one can find such a person who wishes to walk side by side until parted only by death.

[1] See, for example:

Book Review: Paul: Apostle Of The Heart Set Free

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015/05/17/the-first-chapter/