I would like to state at the outset that the genesis of this post was not about dating, at least not directly. However, my general difficulties with relationships are related to other concerns about settling down roots and finding some stability and security in life. In life, I tend to find many different problems interconnected, and attempts to solve one problem often involve me in multiple related problems, with their roots that extend far beyond the present in both temporal as well as societal terms. My own rootless semi-nomadic tendencies are born out of complicated circumstances that defy easy solutions, since the problem is so complicated. I will try to simplify it here, since my longing for a settled place ought to be well-known .
Tuesday night my roommates and I met for some tacos at a local restaurant. While there I was informed that the property management company (who represents our landlady) told us that the landlady wants to break the lease and have us move out early, at least by February or March. Though I have a fair bit of experience in being a renter in the course of my semi-nomadic life, I have never heard of a landlord seeking to break a lease with a renter. To put matters in perspective, on our lease there is a fee if we would break the lease of about $2000 or so, plus all of the expenses that we would incur in order to move, which can be considerable. Considering that my roommates and I were all looking forward to a bit of time free from the hassle and inconvenience of moving yet again (considering I have moved three times in the last 14 months), the landlady is going to have to make it worth our while. We are still investigating the legal rights as well as the customary payment for a landlord who wishes to break their contracts.
While on its own such a matter is not necessarily a huge problem, few things in my life are ever that straightforward. At work, for example, in the slightly more than three months I have worked there, I have had five different desks, with all of the rootlessness that is entailed by drastic switches of position and the inevitable technical glitches that occur when people are supposed to be coded for new doors, when new phone lines are given (as was the case yesterday), or when people are doing anything new in a new place. There is a fine line between an enjoyment of learning and a love of adventure and a sense of stability. We human beings are creatures of habit, myself at least as much as most people are, and it can be very jarring when there is not enough safety and security in life to truly appreciate the sorts of adventures that we have the opportunity for simply because we are in too insecure of conditions.
These insecure conditions have some serious consequences. For example, I tend to feel rather sensitive about my status as a single man. Generally speaking, people in my position tend to have to answer a lot of questions like “Are you afraid of commitment? ” or “Why are you single? These questions can get pretty awkward to answer. Quite honestly, I cannot think of too many questions related to love and intimacy in my life that do not have awkward and sometimes very unpleasant answers. Even straightforward questions can have complicated and yet obvious follow-up ones. As is often the case, all of these problems are interrelated. Insecurity of job and living conditions as well as in my personal life have often been interrelated, sometimes all three at the same time.
All of this leads me to ponder questions about home and belonging. To what extent is the rootlessness of my life a symptom of the larger difficulties of belonging and trust in my life and times, and to what extent is it a failure in my own behavior? Is there a place or a relationship where I would be at home, fitting as elegantly as a hand inside of a glove, rather than feeling like a square peg in a world of round holes? These are serious questions, dealing with questions of my hopes and aspirations and the quests of my existence for an honorable place, a life that is respected and appreciated, and the love of a tender-hearted and intelligent and cute young woman. These things should not have been so difficult to find, but so they are, whether one is looking for a place to make one’s bed or a lover’s lap to lay your head.
 See, for example:
 Though, in fairness, these questions are not asked only about one’s love life: