I had it in mind early this afternoon to write a dryly humorous and somewhat mocking post that I may save for later, but events around me have conspired to make that post seem a little bit callow. Shortly before 5PM, as I was on my way home from work, I received notice from two sources about a shooting going on at the Clackamas Town Center, a rather typical suburban mall just outside of Portland, Oregon, that would not be greatly important to me except that it happens to be right across the street from where I live. After getting dropped off as close as I could to home, given the traffic and lunacy of the scene, I made my way by foot over the overpass that goes over I-205 and then saw the dozens of police cars, the media, and those who like me were trying to get a look at what can best be described as a siege situation that ended in the death of two people and the shooter.

I found it rather alarming to receive two news alerts [1] in my e-mail inbox for a story that was literally going on right across the street. The killer, whatever his motives were, is no longer among the living, and so what led him to plan this rampage across the street from where I live–including camo and body armor–will remain unclear unless he left behind some kind of note or manifesto. Clearly this was not a random act of violence, though, even if the motives remain unclear. As shocking as it may seem, this is not the first time in the short time that I have been in this area that someone has been killed across the street. About three weeks or so a pedestrian was killed by a motorist in the parking lot in what was certainly a random accident rather than a planned act of malice. But as someone who walks a fair bit, if one’s number is called, it doesn’t necessarily feel better if it is an accident or not–death is death, and most of us (myself included) would prefer to live.

Surprisingly enough, even though the mall is across the street, I have walked around the wall far more than I have ever walked inside of it. In fact, I think I’ve only been inside the mall four times, and I’ve walked around it far more often, as it’s usually in the way of where I am going, and not a very convenient through place through an architectural quirk–on the side of the mall where I live, the entrances are on the second floor, while on the other side of the mall the entrances are on the first floor. In addition, escalators are rare and access points to the mall are limited, making it a difficult mall to travel through or evacuate from, as many people found out to their concern earlier today. Except for the movie theater and the food court, and a few stores (like the Barnes & Noble and Gifts From Afar), there are simply not many places in the mall where I would want to shop for myself. I’m a person of simple tastes (books!) or genuine elegance, and that’s a difficult balance to find in many cases. I have spent far more time walking to the restaurants that are around the mall, or going to the local credit union for banking business, or hunting down public transportation routes nearby–there are bus routes and a train route to downtown Portland that are based out of a transit center that is just outside of the mall.

Based on these locations, the atrocity of a mall shooting became something more serious. Not only is the mall likely to be closed tomorrow, but as the mall sits right next to an interstate and astride some major public transportation routes, it caused a great deal of disruption to many people who were simply trying to get about their normal business but found themselves in the middle of a news story. And that is never good. As one of those people myself, I found both a strange fascination with what was going on, given my native nosiness and desire to understand what is going on around me, particularly when there are a lot of shiny lights, as well as a sense of annoyance about having my own peace and quiet taken away by the news helicopters bringing images and video feed to many far more distant who did not have to live in the middle of the story without knowing anything more than anyone else, except that it’s no fun at all to see the panic and disaster and the horror of thinking that one is not far away from disaster. For a person of simple wants and rather boring activities, I certainly do seem to find myself involved in dramatic situations far more often than I like. Some people find trouble–sometimes trouble goes following after us.

Oddly enough, this is not the first time that there has been a murder right across the street from me. Murders are not exactly very common, after all, but this is the second time (at least) that there has been a murder within close walking distance of where I have lived. When I was a high school student I lived in a minority-majority neighborhood on the outskirts of Tampa, and one time I got off my school bus to find a couple of detectives from the Tampa Police Department piecing through the house on the corner where the bus dropped me off very close to my house, which was in a subdivision on the other side of the road. I don’t know the motive or agenda behind that murder either. Someone’s life was snuffed out, there were a lot of gawking people who had no idea what was going on, and then things went on as normal for those who did not see or hear anything, and who do not have that trauma to deal with. And that is the same way it will be here. By tomorrow few people will remember the name of the mall where the shooting occurred, people will shop there and drive by the mall by the time the week is out (I’m supposed to see the Hobbit there later this week if the movie theater is open by then–I already have my ticket), but it is the survivors for whom today’s tragic events will linger the longest. And being someone who knows a fair bit about trauma, my thoughts and concern will be with them, because for them what should be a place of shopping and commerce will be a place of horror and nightmares for a long to come.

[1] http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/12/11/reports-gunfire-at-oregon-mall/