Bantha Coffee: For That 6:30AM Feeling

In continuing with the theme of some of my previous posts [1] [2], I would like to comment a little bit on how I naturally develop inside jokes without very much effort. Given that I have a nearly mirror image sleeping/waking schedule to many of my friends, it is rather unnerving to be enjoying a peaceful evening while other people are complaining about how early they have to get up. Likewise, it is very odd to be looking for the results of night games in the early afternoon. As a result it tends to throw off one’s schedule, or at least make it more complicated.

As a result, I have a lot of conversations with people who are not very awake during the evening when I am at my peak sociability online. This leads to lots of jokes about coffee, and what kind of coffee is stronger than Bantha coffee (this is a rhetorical question). So, what is a bantha, anyway? According to wookiepedia (no joke), a bantha is a large cow especially popular in the planet of Tatooine, deeply intertwined with the Tuscan Raiders (see Star Wars: Episode One and the terribly overlong pod race).

Banthas, being cattle, are suitable for a lot of jokes. Cattle, after all, are not brainy animals. Feral bantha are suitable for rodeo jokes, bantha burgers are tasty and filling, and banthas in general are seen as being like giant bulls that weigh about 2000 pounds on average. So making a joke about Bantha Coffee considering the strength of both the coffee and the bantha was a pretty quick and inevitable inside joke on my part. As a result, with some of my friends I created mock Bantha Coffee commercials, some of which go as follows, all of which have an announcer with a polite English accent.

Bantha Coffee: For that 6:30AM feeling. (Sounds of feral bantha in a stampede.)

(Announcer in a quiet voice.) Our coffee beans are ground by feral bantha. Where does your coffee come from? Today I decided to take a look at one of the plantations where our coffee comes from. (A Tuscan raider looks suspiciously at him.) Now, we need to keep very quiet here. See the banthas grinding the coffee. (Announcer gets louder, carried away by enthusiasm.) This gives our coffee the strength of a bantha! (Sound of loud mooing as the banthas look at the announcer and charge him. The announcer starts running away.) Bantha Coffee, the strongest coffee in the galaxy!

And finally…

(Announcer is shivering while talking.) Bantha Coffee is introducing iced coffee, brewed in our facilities on the planet Toth. There’s no cooler coffee anywhere in the galaxy. Brr. That’s cold! Bantha Iced Coffee. Iced coffee from an ice planet.

I don’t know why my mind turns so easily to mock commercials. I suppose that my dry sense of humor is well-suited to spoofing the materialistic and commercialistic ways of my society and my own generation, but at any rate, the jokes provide a little slice of life and help to add realism. We take who we are and where we are from no matter where we go, after all.

[1] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/09/03/its-a-lonely-galaxy-out-there/

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/if-life-was-more-like-a-game/

[3] http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Bantha

About nathanalbright

I'm a person with diverse interests who loves to read. If you want to know something about me, just ask.
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5 Responses to Bantha Coffee: For That 6:30AM Feeling

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