Bet’cha Never Think It’s Right

Earlier today, as I was pondering what to write about the busy and complicated weekend that I had, one of the frequent readers of this blog requested that I write something about the illusory nature of feelings. As I pondered the request, I realized that what I had thought to write about my weekend in many ways already was dealing with this subject implicitly, and that it would be worthwhile to bring the various and scattered thoughts and actions together under the explicit comment that feelings are untrustworthy guides, and that when we allow ourselves to be ruled by our feelings, that the end result is unhappiness, or even tragedy. With that said, I think it is fair to give a warning that the comments that follow are more or less separate vignettes about the weekend, and while there are connections between them, that they are not organized in any sort of order except as they come to mind. With that warning duly given, let us begin.

When I woke up yesterday morning and got ready for Pentecost services in Salem, I saw on my Facebook that some of my friends had been marked as safe because of a shooting in Orlando. I had thought that the shooting being referred to was the one that killed former Voice singer Chrstina Grimmie, who had been a friend and tour mate of Selena Gomez [1], and who had a promising career but not a lot of hits outside of Radio Disney as of yet. It was not until much later that I had heard about the context of the nightclub shooting of more than fifty deaths, largely because during the day I was so busy that I did not have the time to look at the news on social media, and do not tend to watch television or listen to news radio anyway. Having been considered about how artists would feel unsafe in the face of people who could be intending harm [2], I pondered that we are only as safe as God wants us to be. No amount of concrete or security checks can make us safe from those who are willing to do what it takes to do harm to us, and when we consider that God allows a great deal, it is not always very comforting that we live in such an unsafe world, but the fact that our safety depends on our virtue, the virtue of others around us, and the mysterious workings of divine providence gives us many reasons to pause and reflect upon the way that we live our lives.

This weekend made me feel very old. Part of that was from hobbling around a bit after having been on my feet too much in practices and performances and standing on stage while we celebrated the end of the year for the Sabbath School Students and the graduation of some of the students into the teen group. One of my young friends, whose birthday is next month, was a bit upset that she was not announced as having graduated and was unsure if she would be allowed to attend the teen bible studies, and I do not know how her conversation about the apparent snub went with our pastor, who was leading the Bible study this month in the same room where we had just had a choir practice where I had sung, as I tend to do, with the teen choir, which was one of the four different groups I was a part of on stage, including two other choirs and the hymn ensemble where I played viola. I also felt old because this weekend a young lady from New Mexico came to congratulate one of my friends on his college graduation. What made me feel particularly old about this was that I had known this young lady when she was a toddler and a very small (and cute) child in Los Angeles when I was a college student as old as she is now. Her father and I had known each other in the congregation a little bit, and she had heard my name but did not remember having known me at all. I was struck, painfully, at how much time has gone by without much apparent profit or progress in my life, witnessing the apparent courtships of the toddlers who used to run around my feet during my own young adulthood. I used a favorite song of mine from the band Spoon to remember her name, and while we ate dinner as part of a small group on Saturday night at the home of the family of my graduating friend, I got to hear many repetitions of the same way of remembering the pronunciation of that name. No one else had thought of the song lyrics that I had pondered, though.

The weekend game me plenty of reasons to pause and reflect upon my reputation. Between services yesterday, one of my young friends from Salem [3] was telling anyone and everyone about her mom’s approaching marriage. As it was obvious that I knew her, one of my brethren made a comment to the effect that it was obvious that I would be friends with a small child, since apparently it is to be expected that I would be attentive and friendly with even little people. The previous day I had spoken with a gentleman whose father-in-law is the pastor of the Salem congregation at present, and he had mentioned that he had told his in-laws concerning their query about where I would be able to serve best at the Preteen camp this summer that I would be perfect for teaching the Christian Living classes because it is obvious that I can speak and relate to everyone at their level. To be sure, that is not how I tend to write these personal essays, but rather the way I deal with people face to face. The minister himself apparently knew I was a know-it-all, as twice this weekend, during the sermon on Sabbath and the sermon of the morning service of Pentecost, the speakers asked questions about who knew the answers to various questions and made it dismissively clear that it was obvious that I would know what a meme was as well as where the phrase “What Hath God Wrought” came from. It was a bit embarrassing to be commented on so dismissively from stage, since my own knowledge of these and many other subjects comes from diligent study, rather than innate ability. If other people wish to know what I know, they can study as I study.

In general, Sabbath was not a great day. Besides the travails of my young friend, and feeling rather old and decrepit [4], it was not a day of joyful information. Whether it was a personal call concerning old college loans or my current roommate finally telling me what I had known for at least a week, and that is the fact that he has bought a house and I will be looking for somewhere to live yet again in October or November, not the best timing, or the fact that the announcement I had put in for my mother’s kidney concerns had not yet been approved by my pastor, it was not the most pleasant of days as far as information was concerned. But we do not have the times that we want to deal with, only the times that are, and we have to cope with the situations that we deal with, regardless of how enthusiastically we face such realities or not. Whether one is dealing with awkward conversations, or the presence of far too much information to overanalyze, or even frozen chicken at lunch, there was much to ponder over and ruminate about, even more than usual. What it all means is impossible to say, even if it is clear that it means something, perhaps even something a bit momentous.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christina_Grimmie

[2] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/02/27/safety-valve/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/11/21/safety-in-numbers/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2016/06/09/a-pretty-crappy-standard/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2016/04/30/semper-vigilante/

[3] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2015/02/15/you-already-know/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/haste-to-the-wedding/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2016/06/07/its-a-new-start-its-a-life-with-the-beating-of-young-hearts/

[4] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/05/18/gout-and-decrepitude/