For reasons that are deeply personal, I do not tend to like either eating or reading alone, even though many people seem to enjoy doing both activities without anyone else being around. As it happened, today, after my errands were done, I managed to find myself seated next to a couple and an adorable eleven month-old boy who was fascinated by the world around him. He stared at the pretty girl at the table behind his, was fascinated by textures on the wall and on the chair, and full of smiles for all, and even some stares for his mother who kept wanting him to sit down on his bottom on the chair. Even though the little one could not walk unaided yet nor talk, he was full of smiles for everyone who showed friendliness to him, which was pretty much everyone. After all, most people, whether they have children or not, are generally full of love for a cute baby.

As I ate, and read, and paid attention to those around me, I was struck by how little it takes to feel generally comfortable with those around me. A friendly smile and some friendly conversation are all it takes for me to be perfectly content with people who are sitting in the table next to mine, or who are coming and going, or who are in line near me, or who for reasons inexplicable to me are circling or hovering near where I am. Yet I wonder why it can be so rare that others act in a way that pleases me, even if it is not very difficult for me to feel somewhat comfortable with my immediate surroundings, at least in the time it takes to eat a meal or read a book. What is so hard about smiling and being friendly to those one happens to be near? Is it because we are so lost in our own thoughts and concerns that we do not always recognize it is necessary to put others at ease, or because we fear being misunderstood as being friendlier than we mean, or any other number of reasons? Whatever it is, it is something I notice and ponder often.

As I was thinking and watching the darling little child, I wondered what it was that made children so easy to love. Among the qualities is the open honesty about interactions and feelings. It is easy to love those who are guileless and candid, because one does not have to spend a great deal of time trying to decode what they say in light of any hidden agendas. If you can take things at face value, and then add layers of meaning, it is a lot easier than if one mistrusts what is said or done because one has given evidence of not being honest in one’s dealings. I know, speaking personally, that I have also tended to love when I have seen vulnerability, such as the crying of a toddler who misses her father, or seeing a young woman get misty eyes when opening a drink for you reminds her of something she did for her father when she was younger, and you are reminded of the heart within someone that normally lies buried underneath mountains of irony and misdirection. Yet love does not make our lives any less complicated, rather it enmeshes us in larger circles of concern that test our character, our patience, and our commitment to caring for others who are mysteries to us just as we are mysteries to them.

What is it that makes us strangers to ourselves and to others? I have always considered myself a fairly obvious person without the advantages of subterfuge and concealment, but that has not allowed me to be any better understood by those around me. At times, the gulf between who I am and how I am seen has approached tragic levels. Perhaps the gulf between how others think of me and how I have thought or worried about how they felt has also approached equally tragic levels. In the absence of communication one is only left with one’s own suppositions and the voices of anxiety and concern inside one’s own head. One needs a helpful smile and some encouragement, over and over and over again, to feel at ease and at home. Fortunately, a happy and beloved little child is full of smiles for others even at the slightest bit of friendliness. Oh, that we were able to stay as friendly as we got older, so that we could brighten the day of those we met who only needed a little bit of encouragement to return our kindness in spades.