When it was time for John Mellencamp, a heartland rock & roll singer who had always been compared negatively to Bruce Springsteen, and who had been known by several names during his career, from Johnny Couger to John Couger Mellencamp to finally John Mellencamp, released his long-awaited “best of” compilation, he named it, “The Best That I Could Do.” Though some music reviewers [1] seemed to take John Mellencamp to task for his serious approach to music, which they viewed as being no fun (I am hardly in the place to criticize someone for not being fun enough myself), and though the tone of such an album may seem somewhat defensive, it is honestly hard to criticize someone for doing the best that they can do, and unreasonable to expect more than that. It may be hard to know exactly what the best any of us is capable of doing, but our best (with whatever help we receive from God and whatever encouragement we receive from others) is really the best that can be done, even if that best is not very good sometimes.

Last year [2] at the Feast of Tabernacles I heard a message that reminded me of the sometimes gradual process by which a family overcomes its curses generation after generation, each generation striving to improve on the example of those who came before, until eventually after some time the family is a healthy and well-functioning one. I hope that is a model I can follow for myself, even if I may not attain to the heights that I would wish given where I come from, even given all of the work I have done to strive to improve on the example set before me. Still, I do the best that I can and always keep trying and keep working, and hopefully it works out eventually in the right time and the right situation.

It is not only in parenting, which I don’t have any experience in, despite my affectionate regard for small children, who I often find to be adorable and cute, but in other areas of life where I often wonder if the best that I can do is good enough. It is especially a concern I have in courtship, which I find to be a very anxiety-ridden and stressful activity. When something goes particularly wrong, I often wonder if the best I can do is good enough, not only good enough to successfully court a suitable young woman, but even on a more modest level to avoid putting myself in disastrous and complicated situations that risk my good name and the friendships that I consider as the base for anything beyond that. I would not wish any of my lack of practice and skill in courtship to ruin friendships with decent people whom I respect and care for, simply because things got too messy.

I often wonder, though, if in my frequent pondering about my own family and upbringing, if the same can be said about them that was said about me, that they did the best that they could too. If I seek the indulgence and patience of others because I have struggled mightily to do what is the best for me and for other people despite my own obvious shortcomings and blind spots and personal history, I can hardly avoid giving that indulgence to others who struggle at least as mightily as I do. For if I seek mercy and understanding for myself, I must be willing to grant that same mercy to others, not out of merit, but because I know where I come from and where I fall short and where I tend to make my own life more anxious and stressful and because I cannot seek more grace from God than I am willing to give to others as they need it from me. I cannot seek a merciful standard for myself and judge others harshly and without kindness and mercy, for by the same standard I judge others, I will be judged myself. And being a person who greatly needs to be viewed with mercy and understanding given where I come from, I can hardly grant others any less kindness myself.

John Mellencamp, in one of the songs from his eponymous 1998 album, which later appeared on a later greatest hits compilation [3], sang about the fact that the life we have to live is now and that we can’t do anything about what was done in the past except forgive it and learn from it. As difficult as that is to practice, it is important to realize that our past is past. What has been done cannot be erased from existence, at least not by us. We can’t run away from it, because we carry it inside of us. We can’t drown it in a bottle, or work ourselves into oblivion to erase its memory. All we can do is honestly face it, seek to understand those who have wronged us and those we have wronged, and to seek all the help we can get from God and men to overcome it and to become better people for it. That is the best we can do.

[1] http://www.allmusic.com/artist/john-mellencamp-mn0000224186

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/10/10/a-review-of-the-2012-feast-of-tabernacles-at-redmond-bend-oregon/

[3] http://youtu.be/e4KUmm0XsLY