I firmly believe that mankind was not created to be alone. This belief has consequences and implications, and I would like to examine at least some of them today, as the subject has been in my mind a bit recently. One of the most troubling aspects of our present contemporary way of life is just how lonely we are. We seem to lack sufficient trust to build any kind of lasting relationships that are not for immediate self-interest, and the minute a relationship requires sacrifice or pain, we often cut and run. The habit of behaving this way or having other people behave this way in our lives, not showing loyalty in relationships or using relationships for mere self-interest without genuine love and consideration, tends to breed the sort of mistrust that leads to immense loneliness because we never let anyone else get close enough to either help us or hurt us.

The consequences of this loneliness are immense and negative. For one, the lack of close friends and loved ones means no one to bounce ideas with or share joys and frustrations with. A common response to this unpleasant and solitary life is to discuss such matters (as comfortably as one can) openly and publicly, but the risks are serious here as well, because anything that is public can be read and used and taken advantage of by the untrustworthy. Certainly, some people are strong enough or bold enough or reckless enough to handle having one’s life so public and open, but there are consequences for it. We’re all a lot more screwed up than we really want to admit or want others to know, and so being that open about our lives means that a lot of people are going to judge, a lot of people are going to gossip and spread malicious rumors (or truths even) to tear us down, and that’s hard to face. All too often living a public life means having all the downsides of having no secrets or privacy without having the benefits of either celebrity wealth or the intimacy of loving relationships.

Most of us, even those of us who for reasons of horrible personal backgrounds have a fear of intimacy, long for it at the same time. We want to be in love, to have loving and happy families, loyal and close friends, as well as lunch or drinks with respected colleagues, but wanting such love and respect and finding and recognizing it are entirely different matters. We have to be the kind of people we’re looking for. If we want respect, we have to respect others. If we want love, we have to be loving toward others. If we want honor, we have to be decent and honorable people. And even then, if we are these things, other people have to see our worth through their own mental filters and frequent suspicion of what is good in this world, and respond to it in a way that we can recognize. This is hard to do, but to develop a robust social network we have to do this possibly dozens of times where there is a mutual recognition of mutual love and respect.

Recognizing, then, that the task of building a personal community of loyal friends and encouraging brethren is immensely difficult, let us comment some on why it is still worthwhile anyway. Remember, we were not designed to be alone. There are some tasks we all enjoy and that we all are good at, and at least as many that we find soul-destroying and utterly abhorrent, however necessary they may be. On the other hand, it is very true that the sort of tasks that we might greatly enjoy others might find soul-destroying, and vice versa. Where this is the case, we do well to find people with whom there is a shared moral worldview and shared personal respect and enjoyment of each other’s company where we can do the tasks we love and outsource those tasks we loathe, and so that everyone can spend more time doing what they enjoy and less time dealing with those things that suck life and joy and happiness from us. Life is unpleasant enough as it is–we need to find a way to spend more of it doing what we love with people that we love.

Once we can keep a vision of ourselves as a treasured part of a community, and we know what we love to do and how we can help others, as well as what sort of help we need, then the difficult task remains of building that community, since few of us are fortunate enough to have them ready-made as it is. But, since this problem seems to be so widespread, there ought to be many people looking for the same sort of community. But are we capable of building it? I suppose that’s the question we have to answer for ourselves. It is clear that in this selfish and atomistic and solipsistic world that we will not find robust communities already made. What we want we will have to make for ourselves, but hopefully not alone.