The Art Of The Handwritten Note: A Guide To Reclaiming Civilized Communication, by Margaret Shepherd

As an occasional, if spectacularly unsuccessful [1], practitioner of the civilized art of writing handwritten notes, this book is definitely a pragmatic one whose aim is to encourage the art of writing handwritten notes as a way of expressing one’s politeness and graciousness as a person in an age of instant but often impersonal communications. Although this short book (even with its pages devoted to intriguing quotes about writing handwritten letters [2]) only comes in at around 150 pages, it manages to say a lot in its few pages, and manages to fulfill an important task in encouraging a polite habit that goes all the way back to biblical times, where the apostles (especially Paul and John) penned memorable short letters that ended up becoming part of the Bible. It can be assumed that anyone reading this book has an interest in being polite and gracious in one’s communications, and that is never a bad thing, no matter how poorly such graciousness is received. Mostly the author tries to encourage people to write handwritten notes in the expectation that they will be read favorably by people who appreciate getting notes and personal mail in general (as I do), but the author reminds the reader at least a few times that where a written note is required to pay a debt of honor, regardless of how that letter is taken the debt is paid and the conscience of the sender is clear.

In reflecting on my own difficulties with regards to handwritten notes, I think the main difficulty is that the recipients of most of the more delicate notes of apology or explanation, and the people who read the notes afterward, were simply not literate and were ignorant of the honor and courtesy that is extended when someone writes a personal note in lieu of a personal confrontation about an uncertain manner. For example, the author advices a step that no one seems to take, and that is returning a letter if one believes that the author of the note had cause to regret writing it. There are at least a few notes and letters I have regretted writing after the fact, but no one receiving my letters has given me the honor of returning letters to me, or keeping the matters private and requesting an explanation of anything they found unclear. Writing notes is about being an honorable person, and sometimes, regretfully, one is not dealing with the most seasoned or knowledgeable recipients of handwritten notes. For this reason the book speaks pointedly about writing in a restrained fashion and not giving any ammunition for litigious people who may seize upon a letter as an admission of guilt or may seek to find in it evidence for a court case. Thankfully, that has not happened to me yet, but the author feels it necessary to bring up that point because sometimes that is the case.

In terms of its contents, the book itself is divided into six chapters of varying length. The first chapter gives the reasons to write and stop making excuses that it takes too much time. The second chapter sets the context of the letter in getting in touch with oneself and one’s intended audience. The third chapter looks at writing as a way of expressing oneself through the handwriting, the choice of pen, and the choice of stationary for writing. The fourth chapter gives a basic recipe for writing notes, including a lot of questions and answers from readers, and the fifth chapter follows up on this by pointing out the most likely occasions where one writes notes: thank you notes, apologies, invitations, requests, love/like/rejection notes, and congratulations. Knowing the type of note is being sent or received makes it easier to construct and to read the note properly. The book then closes with a commentary of what is beyond the note, including longer and shorter notes that either approach full letter length or make it clear that someone is thinking of the recipient, without much more detail than that. The book discusses the personal touches one adds to a card to make it more personal, and advises people as much as possible to return notes as an expression of politeness and courtesy, which is sadly all too rare in our contemporary society.

The virtues of this book are considerable. The book is short, witty, encouraging, full of good quotes and helpful tools and suggestions on how to become an expert note writer. As is often the case in this sort of literature, there is the assumption that someone writing a note is going to be able to invest seriously in some expensive pens and stationery, but the author’s suggestions make it clear that doing the best one can is better than not doing at all because one cannot do the best that is. This book is not only useful for those who wish to write more successful notes than I have, but also would be helpful to read for those who want to be more gracious and polite recipients of notes, to know that it is best to celebrate personal mail and the concern and courtesy and respect it comes with, and to read charitably. As in so much else in life, writing and receiving notes is a way to show one’s honor and respect and outgoing concern for others, and a way to show oneself worthy of the honor and respect that one seeks. Perhaps I am not as optimistic, given my experience, in civilized communication being redeemed one note at a time as the author, but it would be nice if she was right that the note would always be recognized as coming with class and courtesy, with credit instead of trouble to come back to the sender. Whether you are as sanguine as the author or not, though, it is an excellent read.

[1] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/10/21/letters-that-you-never-meant-to-send/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/05/19/lest-i-seem-to-terrify-you-by-letters/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/im-going-to-sit-right-down-and-write-myself-a-letter/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/03/31/i-feel-a-letter-coming-on/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/the-perfect-paramour-you-were-in-your-letter/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/this-mortal-coil/

[2] See, for example:

“Writing is but a different name for conversation.” Laurence Sterne, Tristam Shandy (1760)

“Never think because you cannot write a letter easily, that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note imaginable is better than none.” – Emily Post’s Etiquette

“Fine writing is next to fine doing.” John Keats