In the current hit “Lips Are Moving,” contemporary pop/50’s girl pop throwback Meagan Trainer sings about a problem that was highly relevant to many of the young women I happened to see at a recent dance, judging by their enthusiastic singing along to the words. Of particular interest is the prechorus to the song, which reads as follows:

“I know you lie
‘Cause your lips are moving
Tell me do you think I’m dumb?
I might be young, but I ain’t stupid
Talking around in circles with your tongue
I gave you bass, you gave me sweet talk
Saying how I’m your number one
But I know you lie
‘Cause your lips are moving
Baby don’t you know I’m done [1].”

At the heart of this prechorus is a fallacy by equivocation. In fact, there very well may be two. As these are problems that can frequently ruin relationships and deal at the core with the problem of loyalty, it is worthwhile to point out the source of the fallacy and recognize it when and where it can be damaging to our own friendships and courtships. The singer is bemoaning the fact that she was dating a cheater, and implies that he was lying when he told her that she was his number one. This may not have been the case, though. In fact, saying that someone is a “number one” directly implies that there is a number two at least, and possibly a lot more. Number one is a rank on the list, and the singer, quite understandably and properly, wanted to be the only one, as well she should. But saying someone is the only one and the number one are not the same things. One needs to be precise about these matters.

It is possible that the failure of equivocation goes even deeper than that. It is possible that the guy used the same failure of equivocation to give the impression of loyalty to her without actually meaning it. After all, it is fairly easy to misunderstand words, especially in the context of relationships and intimacy, where we will often hear and interpret behavior and words that are ambiguous according to our wishes and longings and not always with a high degree of accuracy. However, if the guy intended to confuse the singer about his intentions by leading her to believe that she was his only one when in fact she may have been a narrow number one on a lengthy list where convenience and variety was particularly valued, that would be an immensely wicked sort of deception to play.

This sort of misunderstanding of words, whether deliberate or not, is not that uncommon. Recently I was gathering my belongings at services to leave when I got caught up in a conversation that was going on next to me. I happened to say that I had never played Wallyball myself, and it was taken by someone in the conversation, perhaps playfully or maliciously, to be an obvious sort of foolish comment to say, since one does not play Wallyball by oneself. Of course, the only people I know who play the sport were a part of that conversation, and my chances of being invited to play along with them are not particularly high, so it is unsurprising that I would not have played the sport. Of course, if there was an implied invitation, open or otherwise, that would change my view of the interaction from one of irritation with being misunderstood to concern for the logistics of the matter.

And that is at the core of this problem of ambiguous meanings. Do you wish to truly understand and be understood or do we prefer to take advantage of ambiguity to avoid dealing with difficult truths. If we desire to be clear about ourselves and our intentions, and we put our character before others as an open and mostly decent book, then we would expect not to have any songs like “Lips Are Moving” written and sung to or about us. That is a good thing, as it is a pretty harsh song. If others are equally honest and kind with us, we have the chance of forming strong friendships and relationships through honest communication and outgoing love and concern. And that should be what we are all looking for, without playing word games and trying to tease or deceive others.

[1] http://www.metrolyrics.com/lips-are-moving-lyrics-meghan-trainor.html