In many ways, and not necessarily good ones, today was both predictable and a bit uncomfortable, as well as unpleasant in some respects and enjoyable in others. Usually I try to protect the guilty and the innocent, but on a day like this it seems particularly pointless, even though I will do my best not to make this post uncomfortably personal for anyone other than myself, I guess, and those people who did their best to make this an uncomfortable day for me, and you already know who you are and don’t need me to remind you. Those who did their best to be friendly, you already know who you are, and deserve some praise. This was a mixed evening, but not a bad one, and it was one that could have been predicted by someone who knew my life and figured out the patterns of my existence, which is a bit depressing when you think about it.

This morning began with a deflated air mattress and a three year old girl I had met last night asking me to read her a couple of books. I managed to eat a little bit for breakfast but I didn’t have much of an appetite today. The Bible Study went well; as usual I answered a large number of questions because others didn’t have the answers, but at least others piped in a few answers so I wasn’t showing off too much, unlike last year [1]. After that came a brief lunch in which I was one of four people (two of whom I go to church with) who decided to take advantage of the rule where choir members ate first. Then, of course, we practiced and I ended up being one of three tenors, standing next to a couple of altos I happen to know pretty well from my local congregation, and who probably want to forget that I exist, even though I did have to stand up for one of them from teasing, even if I felt concerned my gallantry would be misinterpreted, given that everything else I seem to do with regards to young ladies tends to be misinterpreted.

The sermon today hit particularly close to home. The speaker, who is the minister of the congregation next to the one where I grew up, gave a message called “The Heart Wants What It Wants” [2], in which he referred to the song by Selena Gomez and commented on many of the ways where our hearts deceive us, whether we want the wrong people, or feel pulled by company or have good intentions but lamentably poor execution. It’s not like any of us have that problem all the time. I know I do at least. In talking about the message afterward with someone who felt the same way about the message, she thought that it hit everyone in a different way. I would think that to be true, as some people might have found the Sabbath references or the adultery messages or the comments about the love of money to be more pointed. Whatever we struggle with and hope God will be merciful with, the message would hit close to home. Let us hope God is more merciful to us than we are to others, or ourselves.

Let us hope, at least, that God is more merciful to us than to the one person who did not wish to dance to me, making a bit of a scene by being so rude that other people noticed it, and one person attempted (unsuccessfully) to intervene on my behalf. When people who are strangers recognize someone is acting rudely to me and speak on my behalf, one is clearly behaving beyond the pale. Besides that, and the shortage of slow songs, it was an okay evening. I danced with most of the people I wanted to talk to, and found the dances to be interesting and very thought provoking. At least one set of parents thanked me for dancing with their daughter, which was quite a surprise, given the usual response I get. I even got to dance once (and turn down a couple of other dances because I don’t like swing) with the mother of one of my occasional dinner partners (who did not happen to be there today). At least I got some sympathy about the rude girl, though it would have been far easier and more productive to have a few minutes of dancing to wish her well in school and life. That’s not so hard, right? It’s not like I have a girlfriend or anything like that, after all, but you already know that if you are reading this blog anyway. Not even my karaoke song could escape the sense of deja vu about the day, but you probably already know that too.

[1] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/02/16/younger-now-than-we-were-then/

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/12/13/the-heart-wants-what-it-wants/