The subject of gratitude is one that often comes to mind [1], and as I was examining the comments for a Bible translation whose book tour takes place in almost two months, I came across some interesting commentary that spurred a thought of looking briefly at the Bible’s appreciation for women. Perhaps the most notable example of biblical appreciation for women, at least insofar as it is often referenced as a model for women, is Proverbs 31:10-31. Often, it may seem as if this passage is being used as a standard that is so high to meet (since this virtuous wife seems good at everything) that instead of inspiring women it may often discourage them. Yet this passage does contain something that many women would be like to appreciate, and that is the praise of their husbands and children. As Proverbs 31:28-29 reads: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her, “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.””
The author Mark Twain once said that he could live for two month on one good compliment. No doubt many people feel the same. Not everyone responds the same way to praise, but there are a great many people who need very much to be praised, consistently, as a way of knowing that they are loved. I would imagine, at least based on my friends and acquaintances, that being appreciated by one’s husband and children would rank high on the wish list of many people I know. Part of the appeal of a virtuous woman is not only being competent at so many areas, but that one’s competence is recognized. Many of us, and not only women, crave recognition, and that desire to be honored and respected appears to be part of our God-given nature. The fact that this longing (like any other longing) can go horribly awry does not in any way make it wrong or improper to desire appreciation. The fact that this long is so often frustrated is itself the source of a great degree of unhappiness, and failing to meet the legitimate needs of one’s loved ones tends to have consequences that extend far beyond the immediate relationship itself.
Only one woman in the entire Hebrew Bible is specifically called virtuous. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, for those who have read my blog [2], that woman is Ruth the Moabitess. Boaz, of course, may be among the most gentlemanly biblical figures of all, though, with this gracious reply to Ruth after she proposes levirate marriage to him in Ruth 3:10-13: “Then he said, “Blessed are you of the Eternal, my daughter! For you have sown more kindness at the end than at the beginning, in that you did not go after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman. Now it is true that I am a close relative; however, there is a relative closer than I. Stay this night, and in the morning it shall be that if he will perform the duty of a close relative for you–good; let him do it. But if he does not want to perform the duty for you, then I will perform the duty for you, as the Eternal lives! Lie down until morning.” And so he did.
It is dialogue like this, which seems that it was collected as some part of a family history and recorded around the time of David into the book that we now know, which makes Ruth among the most romantic books of the Bible (along with Song of Solomon and perhaps Esther). In a book that contains several notable oaths (most notably Ruth’s oath never to depart from Naomi or God), here we see Boaz swear that if the closer relative is not willing to fulfill his obligation to marry Ruth, then he will do it. Perhaps Boaz, a man who appears to have been single for some time before Ruth’s arrival in town, was particularly inclined to be appreciative because he knew what a favor it was to be loved and desired as a marriage partner. Indeed, those who are not used to being thought of as particularly attractive, or who have never thought of themselves as particularly popular are often to be extremely appreciative, if not confused, by receiving attention the way that Boaz did from Ruth.
How did these two women get the appreciation they sought from those around them? We see in both cases that the virtuous women were benefited by the fact that they received praise from virtuous men. In a society, or at least a relationship, where people are acting as they ought, respect and appreciation ought to be part of ordinary conversation. It need not be saved for special occasions, as if it loses its appeal if one shows attentiveness to ordinary acts of consideration and generosity. Likewise, both women who received honor were worthy of it. In life, so much of what we want comes down to two elements, one of which is entirely in our control and the other one which is not. Part of the honor we receive depends on how worthy we are of that honor, and part of it depends on whether we are around honorable and decent people. Let us hope, for all of us, that both are true and that we may find what we seek in our lives, as God wills it.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/a-month-of-gratitude/
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/circling-like-raptors/
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/11/24/something-to-be-thankful-for/
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/divine-providence-in-the-book-of-ruth-part-one/
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/10/19/god-put-you-in-my-way/
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