During my youth, there was a long-running commercial that tried to encourage people to eat beef, as if that was something that required a great deal of effort. And I am generally fond of beef, though I eat far more chicken. When I refer to this expression, therefore, I am using the slang usage of beef referring to conflict with other people. I must say that I find the conflicts of other people to be of interest, and occasionally even amusement (as long as the conflicts do not involve violence and abuse), as little as I enjoy personal conflict within the course of my life, as often as I tend to find that it accompanies me.

What kind of beefs do people have? Some beefs are highly personal. Some beefs are highly personal even if others involved are entirely unaware of the feud. For example, I once had an acquaintance who badmouthed me to a close friend of mine, and I had barely even met the young lady in question. Later on, after some investigation, I found out that the person had been speaking about a relative of mine who had pursued her rather seriously and unsuccessfully, which is usually my job. Even when the person found out that she had been mistaken in her criticism and condemnation, she was too proud to apologize, having taken a personal beef with someone else and turned it into an attack against me. Nor is this a particularly unusual circumstance, as our issues with individuals can often spiral out of control as people jump on sides and turn minor conflicts into more major and serious ones.

Some beefs are not personal but are entirely (or at least largely) professional or political in nature. For example, there are people with whom I have fairly serious disagreements because of worldview differences, but who I find personally very friendly and warm. While such people may be worldview opponents because of politics or religious beliefs or our different identities and personal or family histories, such beefs take the character of friendly debates. I often consider such people “the best of enemies,” whose passionate defense of their own views, when combined with my own passionate defense of my own views can hone my view by pointing out to areas where further research and investigation are necessary or where there are weaknesses on either side that could be exploited. As such people end up doing me a favor by making my own thoughts better by iron sharpening iron, I do not tend to find any sort of difficulty with these beefs, even if I would prefer it (naturally) if everyone agreed that I was right.

There are other beefs that are rather mystifying to me, seeing as they spring from neither lamentable personal offenses nor inevitable but equally lamentable differences of worldview and belief. There are some beefs that spring from misunderstanding, which are no less intractable than the other two, so long as a state of ignorance or disbelief exists. Where people do not properly understand one’s beliefs or behavior, and have an incorrect (and unfriendly) understanding and view of it, it is easy for conflicts to arise based on these misunderstandings, where one’s beefs are based entirely on illusions. I have more examples of this within my own life than I can count, or safely relay, but such conflicts can even develop where no personal hostility is meant by actions that end up causing a certain degree of hurt or awkwardness to others. In many cases, an understanding and communication of the reality of the situation would lead to much less conflict, but the lack of communication or trust tends to exacerbate everything into unnecessary conflict.

How we deal with these sorts of beefs depends in great part on who they are with, what kind they are, and the seriousness of the matter. At times, the best way to deal with something is simply to leave it alone (something I find it congenitally difficult to do). At other times, the misunderstanding must be dealt with clearly and honestly, but also kindly (knowing that we are all vulnerable to error and folly). At other times, honest communication may reveal serious differences with others that we must deal with honestly, but kindly, seeing as people may be decent and honorable despite having incorrect belief systems, and that others will view us that way at best. At other times, conflicts exist because of hurts and offenses that we have done to others and others have done to others, which ought to be dealt with in a kind and honest way, with all of the appropriate soul searching and repentance that are called for, with an eye towards restoration if it is warranted by the situation and the conduct of both parties. However we choose to deal with those conflicts, we ought to be aware that sometimes we will have beef, against our will and against our every wish, not only for dinner, but sometimes for breakfast and lunch, and a lot of snacks as well.