It would be nice if trauma was not inevitable.  Of all the aspects of poopiness in life, trauma is the most difficult to deal with and the one with the most lasting negative effects.  Speaking personally, I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder when I was a small child, and the effects of that trauma (and the other trauma I have personally collected over the course of my life) has affected me strongly in a variety of ways.  It is not the job of the philosopher to muse on personal experience, but rather to ponder universals, and even though my own experience in dealing with trauma has been rather profound and various, it is worth examining that trauma is itself something that no one is immune to.  It is a natural and understandable desire that we would wish to protect ourselves and those we care about from having to suffer the negative effects of trauma at all, but it is simply not possible that we should live without being exposed to events that could be traumatic for us.  As we saw earlier, in the absence of large and basic problems, then more intractable and pervasive problems that are difficult or impossible to resolve will plague our existence such that we cannot escape such trouble.  Trauma is much the same way.

Yet even if we cannot avoid trauma, we would be monsters to wish to deliberately or intentionally inflict or allow others to inflict trauma on ourselves or those we care about in the hope that we will gain resilience as a result of the experience.  Resilience certainly does happen, and it is a desirable outcome in that people find themselves strengthened by what they have suffered and endured.  Nevertheless, we cannot assume that people will be strengthened by trauma and difficulty.  It is perhaps more likely that people will be scarred in very negative ways and permanently changed by their experiences.  I know that has been the case for me, and it has been the case as well for many others I have seen who have suffered in similar ways.  Yet while we should not deliberately try to inflict suffering and trauma on others, it can be just as unwise to overprotect and try to keep our loved ones from suffering anything altogether, because then people will lack the ability to cope with life’s ordinary problems, turning even small problems into traumatic ones because one has never had to deal with the ordinary struggles and difficulties that life presents to humanity as a whole.

As is the case in so much else, then, there is a golden mean at operation when it comes to issues of trauma.  Too much trauma, or too early trauma, or both, is immensely debilitating and can have crippling consequences for people who find themselves permanently marked and changed as a result of their experiences.  It should be noted that a great amount of humanity has to deal with that, when we think of the pervasiveness of physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse within the world, as well as the violence and oppression that children have to witness and all too often experience.  When we consider that dramatic moves and job losses and other life changes are traumatic for adults, we can understand how a great many childhood experiences could cause great harm to little ones who lack the context that adults have, or the compensating benefits that negative experiences can hold.  Were we to seek to design or cultivate a golden mean in terms of trauma, we would expect that any event which could be seen as destabilizing should be viewed in such a way that it is made clear what is gained as well as what is lost by the sudden occurrence, and also focus on the growth aspects of life’s changes.  It is certain that a golden mean would not include those aspects of trauma that are unnecessary or gratuitous and which inflict a great deal of harm without providing much in the way of compensating benefits.  If God allows such traumas to exist in our lives—and He often does—He has purposes and reasonings and plans that are far above our own, and so we should not plan that which is  beyond our ability to cope.  When God allows people to endure horrific abuse, He has specific purposes in mind, and also specific help that He is willing to provide to protect people from the worst of their experiences.

What, then, are the normal and inevitable traumas of existence that are unavoidable, and which it would do well for us to learn to cope with and to encourage others to deal with effectively.  Among these events we can consider such situations like losing a job, losing friends, having relationships fail, suffering from the death of friends and family, moving to new areas where we have to create new lives for ourselves, For a great many people, the divorces of parents, friends, and even themselves will be so common as to be nearly inevitable that one will have to deal with the repercussions of these things.  All too often, such traumas for adults can be seen as having benefits, even if the experiences are extremely painful.  Yet the experiences are often far more difficult for children to deal with.  If the divorce of parents is difficult for parents—especially when there are contentious issues of law and morality to deal with, as there often are, and the likelihood that one party will try to poison the minds of the kids against the other parent, who may often be on the hook for a large amount of financial expenditures without being able to spend a lot of time with their children—it is absolutely catastrophic for children themselves.  Children in such a situation are ripped from their moorings and placed in a world where both parents are hurt and struggling and less able to support them, more divided against each other and so less able to present a common front against a hostile world, and where the lack of adequate protection can make such children vulnerable to abuse and exploitation at a much higher rate, increasing the amount of trauma and difficulty such children have to deal with.  If adults can see a drastic move as providing the opportunity for education and career growth (and possibly also a second chance from a less than excellent reputation and difficult conditions), children may need some help to compensate for the loss of friends as well as the loss of the comfortable and familiar.  It takes time or people to build their familiarity and comfort with a new home.

It is one thing to look at a list of traumatic events and to see, even if one has to lament, that trauma is inevitable and that many people will experience a large amount of it over the course of difficult lives.  It is another to seek to understand why trauma is inevitable.  Why is it a given that we will suffer losses that destabilize us and that offer particular threats against our well-being.  Why is it necessary that we should be forced, at least a few times in life, to move beyond the familiar and to test our capacities to handle experiences in life that can deeply shape and scar us for decades to come?  Let us return to the example of the caterpillar and the butterfly that we discussed before concerning the benefits of suffering and difficulty.  If we were a being that was meant to be like a butterfly but our natural form is a caterpillar, the change that is necessary for us to transform from what we are naturally to what we should be will itself be a dramatic and possibly a traumatic experience.  Having some ability to cope with life’s problems and with dramatic changes would then be necessary for us to live as we were created to be.

When we think of what elements traumatic events tend to be grouped around, we can then ponder and reflect on how these particular events are necessary if we are to become what we ought to be.  We may then ponder what sort of being we are meant to become as human beings, what we are the larval form of, such that such transformations are necessary for us to fulfill our purpose for being.  Some traumas, for example, are focused on the difficulty we have in enforcing our borders and keeping things out of us that we do not want to have inside of us.  Such traumas remind us, if we are wise, that what we need is not necessarily within ourselves.  If we need our existence to be bettered by instruction and help that comes from outside, we will need to have boundaries that are not so rigid that they do not allow us to be nourished and strengthened by that which comes from outside.  Other traumas, for example, are focused on the pain of separation from those beings we have become attached to and deeply connected to.  The death of pets, the divorce or death of parents, the separation we have with friends, and other traumas of that same kind are reminders that human beings were not created to be isolated and alone.  We were created to bond with others—not only with beings of our own kind but also with other beings who are capable of developing bonds of mutual feeling and commitment to us.  Yet these traumas (and others, such as our own health crises) can also remind us of the problem of death and decay.  We have a longing for eternity within our hearts, but we are mortal beings.  No matter how long-lived we may be personally, we will experience the loss of others in our lives whose life has come to an end.  If we are not long-lived beings, then others will feel losses when our life comes to an end.  Death is our enemy, and one that, try as we might, we cannot defeat on our own.  Similarly, but less dramatically, the sorts of traumas that come from change in our existence, such as the loss of jobs or the drastic moves to unfamiliar areas where we are outsiders and aliens, immigrants and even refugees, are a reminder that we were created to belong to places but also created as beings who are capable of and expected to undertake a great amount of growth.  Sometimes in order for us to find growth we need to change.  Some people relish such changes, even if they come with dramatic dislocations from the familiar, because they recognize themselves as being in unsafe and unacceptable situations, but even so, people can find themselves traumatically and deeply shaped even by those experiences they look forward to as a means of achieving personal growth and a greater degree of freedom and safety and excellence.

When we look at the traumas of life and think about the lessons that they teach, we are reminded that we are beings who have borders and boundaries that need to be protected and defended, but we are not self-sufficient, we need nourishment and strength that comes from outside, and so our borders must have gates that properly allow what we need to come inside while protecting us from those things that would harm and destroy us.  We are reminded that we are creatures who are created to bond with others, but also reminded that these bonds are not always permanent and that we must deal with the loss of bonds and the need to replace them or deal with that loss.  We are beings who long for eternity but whose lives are short, and who are affected by the death of those we love and care for.  We therefore hope for an existence in which there is no death and no such loss and decay and pain as we experience so much, an existence we are not able to create for ourselves but that which we need if we are to be fully what we were created for.  Finally, we are beings who take comfort in the familiar and were created to feel safe and at home in regular patterns of existence, but also created to grow in such a way that often requires change that cuts us off from the familiar and forces us to create new bonds in other places with other beings.  Thus trauma, on at least a low level, is necessary for us and reminds us of the complexity of our existence, forcing us to adjust both to the reality of our existence as well as provoking our longings for the life we were meant to enjoy but have not yet come to experience.