At first glance, it may appear obvious that among the most important aspects of examining the troubles and problems of our existence is to separate that which is objective from that which is subjective.  What is objectively poopy, though? To be sure, there are some thing that just about everyone would agree are terrible and traumatic things to deal with, but before one goes very far down the list, one comes to a great many matters that are poopy because we see them as such, and there are many reasons why we may see them as such.  For example, during my time living in Thailand I understood that in that local culture (and others who share the same general cultural beliefs), that if someone’s foot touched someone else’s head it was considered a particularly disrespectful action.  One of my friends whose background is from a neighboring nation in Southeast Asia commented, based on what she accurately knew from that culture, that someone would have to die for doing that.  The same action would not be offensive for a group of young people sitting and laying about in a large group with feet and legs draped over the shoulders and heads of their friends and associates who came from a Western background.

This is not to say that cultural relativity is the only thing that determines what is poopy, although that clearly has an influence because people are going to particularly resent and detest that which is done to them which they view as being dishonorable, improper, or even defiling.  It is in precisely these grounds that we come to define the poopiness of existence.  Sometimes what is viewed as improper by someone may be viewed as ordinary behavior by someone else.  Again, to turn to the example of Thailand, it is the custom of members of the royal family and royal establishment to stop traffic in Bangkok (and anywhere else they may travel) in order to speed along the roads to do any sort of activity without being hindered or slowed down by what would otherwise be heavy traffic.  Ordinary people, though, had no such privilege and had to wait not only for the normal traffic that tends to frustrate and irritate us, but the additional waiting involved in letting some sort of pampered and privileged royal drive around without anyone getting in the way.  For most people, it is an ordinary if irritating experience to deal with, but it is made more annoying and frustrating because other people get to use their power and privilege and rank to avoid the unpleasant experience while increasing the burden of waiting in heavy traffic to everyone else.   This is something which adds troubles to one’s existence because it shows how people are treated differently and makes it clear who is favored and privileged and honored and who is not.

It is unhelpful for another reason to avoid trying to divide the poopiness of existence into what is objective and what is subjective, and that is the way that such a division leads people to try to defend what bothers them as objective so that they do not seem to be unreasonable in being offended by something.  If we view things that are “objectively” poopy as being worse than those which are subjectively so, we may even get to the dangerous level of trying to attack people for feeling that something is poopy, which only makes them feel worse that their own feelings and reactions to situations are not respected or regarded.  It is disrespect and dishonor and disregard in the first place that tend to inform us as to what are considered to be the poopy aspects of existence.  To be dishonored and disregarded regarding one’s feelings and reactions to a situation that one views to be dishonoring only adds to the offense, and increases the sensation of the poopiness of existence.  Such behavior adds layers to a problem and is deeply unhelpful to trying to avoid the resentment and hostility that people have to carry with them through life.

How, then, do we try to break down the elements of poopiness so that we may better grasp the problem and what potential angles we can use to deal with it.  For one, when we examine the poopiness of existence, what tends to be most dramatic are incidents that strike us being particularly unfair or dishonorable.  It is not uncommon for people to draw a picture of systemic abuses and problems from a pattern of incidents which occur in one’s life where one feels disrespected.  For example, one can feel as if a particular quality tends to lead others to be more suspicious and more vigilant, which strikes others as unfair.  One can find oneself the subject of social slights.  Recently, as I write this, I saw a video where the current president of the United States had gone to a political event where a young black woman had been placed in the front of the crowd, presumably to give the impression of the diversity of the event.  When it came time for the (admittedly senile) president to meet and greet his supporters, the president made it a point to shake hands a hug the people on either side of the young black woman but did not greet her at all, instead pointedly ignoring her.  As someone who has similarly resented the way that other people around me are given much more in the way of affection and tenderness than I am, I could feel the discomfort and frustration in my own fashion, at least, from seeing the similar slight.

For something to be seen as poopy, it generally must be seen as a slight.  Differential treatment is among the fastest ways that people can recognize that they are not being treated with the love and respect that everyone feels (with reason) that they deserve.  Similarly, actions that are viewed on their face as disrespectful and unloving and dishonorable are taken badly, regardless of whether that person treats everyone the same way.  We might therefore begin the analysis with one’s concept of honor and dishonor, love and hatred, regard and disregard, and then see how the behavior of other people towards someone matches up in those categories.  If we desire to express love, respect, and regard for others, it is important to know how someone receives those, and similarly if we wish to avoid expressing hatred, disrespect, and disregard for someone, we need to know what sort of behaviors to avoid practicing.  The same is true in reverse.  The first step to reducing poopiness, and in increasing the joy of living for others, is to know how it is that they like to be treated and to do accordingly and how they dislike being treated and avoid it, if we care about their lives and well-being. 

The next step, once we deal with the sort of behaviors that incite others to resentment, frustration, and irritation with us and with life in general, we have to look at what sort of extenuating circumstances people view others as having so as to reduce the feeling of resentment and hostility that they feel about a given incident or situation.  It is not always clear or consistent how generous minded others are going to be.  We may excuse dumb tourists or foreigners from doing what is viewed as offensive if something is culturally specific and such people are viewed as being unknowing in their offensive behavior.  Perhaps someone would tell them, in the hopes that behavior would change, but many people are likely to overlook such offenses or at least view them as being less culpable.  We are similarly likely to excuse small children and people of limited intellectual capacity because we do not view them as being malicious, but rather immature or limited in their ability to understand what is appropriate and do accordingly.  That said, when we view someone as knowing better or as someone who should know better, and who appears to deliberately, intentionally, and maliciously treat us in a negative way, our level of offense taken tends to rise accordingly.  If the foreignness of strangers allows us to feel less hurt from those we view as outsiders, the very intimacy of our relationship with those who are close to us and definitely on the inside allows them to hurt more.

Having looked at the setup in attitudes and understandings of what is offensive and what is enjoyed, the incidents that provoke feelings of anger and resentment and hostility, and the extenuating or aggravating circumstances that either tamper down or ramp up our feelings towards how others act negatively towards us, we can turn to examine the response that we have to such behaviors.  Anytime we can act in a meaningful way that allows us to get rid of negative feelings, we may feel better as a result.  Sometimes, for example, a witty comment or comeback allows us to feel that we have made our point and deterred future behavior along that line.  At other times we may be able to inflict what we view as being sufficient retribution to feel as if the scales are even—though they may not appear to be even to the person whom we have avenged ourselves on, which may lead to prolonged cycles of retaliation in search of justice.  We may even be able to deal with our negative feelings through externalizing them through creative endeavors that allow us to be at peace with others and with our own hearts and minds.  What we should avoid, though, is either holding everything inside to the point where it endangers our own well-being or existence, or in doing unto others (especially innocent others) what has been done to us, which tends to allow such cycles of poopiness to become generational and often deeply ingrained as a result.

As we have previously discussed, our behavior with regards to the poopiness of existence will be highly colored by our attitudes.  To the extent that we can find a situation, however unpleasant, as being profitable in some fashion, we will feel less resentment and irritation over it, and our response will be less violent as a result.  Indeed, if we are doing things that we love, we may find what would otherwise be boring to be enjoyable, in that we see the benefits of building up our capacity or knowledge or understanding.  When we are stuck in a situation that is hateful to us, though, we do not see things in the same light, and as a result we tend to be highly resentful of things that we might otherwise view in a more charitable fashion.  Similarly, if we see ourselves as metaphorical merchants in nightsoil or farmers who use poop as part of larger processes, we may see poopiness as profitable, and therefore not as something to be avoided, but rather as something to be used appropriately.  To that extent, just as the front end of poopiness starts with personal and cultural understandings of what is honorable and respectful behavior and behaviors by others that fall short of that standard, the back end of poopiness is filled with attitudes and responses to what others have done.   To what extent do we think of others, and to what extent do others think of us?  On such slender hooks a great deal of life takes its shape and molds our existence.