It can be all too easy for those who are momentarily and temporarily victorious to believe that their victory is final and complete and that they can rub the faces of the defeated into the mud and excrement that intensely humiliates those who have already lost and are already in a vengeful mood. It can likewise be all too easy for people who are wealthy and powerful to exploit that by seeking to distance themselves from others and to make it obvious that others are second class citizens and that they receive a great many favors and blessings for being above the common herd. What are the potential risks and costs of inflaming resentment? When we wish to glorify ourselves, it is hard for us to think that there could be a potential downside. Most people who are on the upswing think that their dominance and greatness will last forever, and do not stop to think of the people they step on and alienate along the way. While there are some people who are simply envious at those who are conspicuously talented and successful, there are many others who it would be easy to gain or maintain the support of assuming one had made minimal efforts to give them respect and friendliness.

Let us look at things from the other side, now. If it takes minimal effort on the part of the wealthy and powerful and victorious to avoid making permanent and implacably hostile enemies, what is it that ramps up the resentment for those who are on the outs? When one sees the wealthy and powerful with their own separate entrances, the special treatment that they receive, privileges that they enjoy, what sort of resentments hurt the most? People take the privileges that they enjoy for granted, while they are especially keen to notice and remember the privilege that they are denied. Often what galls the most is the lack of reciprocity, in that people demand from others a respect and consideration that they in turn are unwilling to provide in response. If we demand that other people respect our identity when we do not respect theirs, we create resentment. If we demand that other people respect our property when we do not respect theirs, we create and inflame resentment. And these resentments are deeply felt, even if the results are not always immediate as far as the costs of such deepening hostility.

It is hard to know what is inside of others’ hearts. For some of us, it is hard enough to know what is inside of our own heart, and just about impossible to plumb the depths of the feelings of those around us. Among the few reliable means we have of determining the feelings of others is trying to put ourselves in the place of others and put others in our own place through thought experiments and empathy and reciprocity and to treat others the way that we would like to be treated in a particular situation, and hope that how we would want to be treated is reasonably close to how they would actually like to be treated. When we try to humiliate others, a warning bell ought to go off in our head. We are very sensitive to what we consider to be humiliations. We know the many ways that others cut us through their casual unfriendliness and cruelty, the comments that they make, the way that they snub others socially and make it clear when others are simply not regarded as part of the group. Knowing this, it ought not to be hard for us to refrain from cutting others when we have the ability to do so. We are all human, and we bleed the same, and yet we regularly engage in situations where we bitterly and resentfully obsess over the wounds we have suffered while casually cutting others without any thought or care in the world that they might be equally spiteful and vindictive people as ourselves.

What is it that we really gain when we inflame the resentment of others? Do we feel proud of ourselves for having a privilege that others are denied? Do we get a spring in our step when we skip to the front of a line, or when we receive respect and honor in a world that is full of contempt and ridicule? Do we get a thrill when we receive special invitations to places and events that are exclusive and special? I would dare say, knowing myself at least, that there is some enjoyment that is gained from such things. And if I, a person of modest pleasures and restrained desires, can feel pleasure at such things, I would suspect that most people might feel greater delight still. But is such pleasure worth the creation of a host of implacable and vindictive enemies who will celebrate our every misfortune and curse our name to everyone within hearing? Is it worth alienating people who could be of benefit to us in many ways as friends, as fans, as supporters, as the source of honest and worthwhile advice and critique? I would suspect not. It is perhaps inevitable that in the competition for scarce honors and blessings that we should have others who are our rivals for such limited places, but all the same, it is not inevitable that a frustrated rival become a permanent and hostile enemy. No, when that happens, we should reflect on what we did to make it that way, for the fault is likely our own, as well as the capacity for resentfulness and sensitivity to slights that exists as a common inheritance of mankind that we all share in.