Few of our truly grave problems in life are truly bettered by a mere change of scenery. To be sure, there may be times where we have to escape a situation and therefore must flee from one area to another. This is common enough. At other times, we may choose to go from one area to another in hope of better opportunities in life, and we may be rewarded in this or we may not. Yet I believe we all too easily believe that a mere change in place will improve our fortunes, when we carry our most profound problems along with us wherever we go. As someone who has lived a wide variety of places, and had a wide variety of experiences, I have found that my most profound difficulties have come from what I brought with me, and not with the specific place I was at. To be sure, there have always been other people involved, but a great deal of my difficulties have sprung from within me, from the complicated nature I possess and my own eccentricities and quirks and foibles, such as they are, guided by a hand not my own for a particular end that remains unclear.

It is an illusion that a mere change of location will mean a change of destiny. A change of location will, under most circumstances, give a new start, a clean slate, and an opportunity for someone to make their own case as to why they have chosen to leave where they were and come to a new place. At times, our personal baggage, whether earned or unearned, may try to pull us down like a millstone around the neck, but most people at least get some chance at a fresh start when they relocate themselves to an unfamiliar place. Yet that fresh start merely allows us to demonstrate our nature to others who are unfamiliar with it, and establish a reputation based upon what is inside of us. To the extent that our nature is such that we will tend to get ourselves in trouble, we will find ourselves in trouble for one reason or another wherever we go. Likewise, and more pleasantly, our gifts and talents and abilities will often be of use wherever we go, although the circumstances of our location will help determine which of those gifts and talents and abilities are most in need for the benefit of our new neighbors.

In their recent hit single “Lampshades On Fire,” the band Modest Mouse returns after a hiatus of 8 years (which is quite long in the musical world) with a sound that is very similar to their previous material. Over and over again, their single talks about moving on to the next town, or the next planet, and making the same mistakes. What mistakes did they make? Why are they having to leave? What does someone learn if they simply go from one place to another, or one relationship to another, and do not take the hard work of reflecting painfully on what one has done, so that one can become at least a little bit wiser for the suffering that we encounter in life? This is not to say that all fleeing is our own fault, but rather that unless we reflect on what is happening to us, our lives are mere capers, and not purposeful journeys of overcoming and improvement. We are all prone to make mistakes; that is nothing unusual and no one ought to feel as if they will never have a chance to make a better second impression, for as we are all in need of mercy, we should all be merciful and gracious and understanding in our treatment of others.

Yet often we doubt the grace that others have for us. Even if we know in our own hearts that we are kind-hearted and willing to forgive even those who have wronged us greatly, we may doubt that others will be as gracious towards our own blunders and foibles. Again and again we find ourselves drawn to the same small set of problems; can we trust ourselves to be people of integrity and honor in our dealings with others, and can we trust ourselves to learn from our mistakes and get better? Can we trust others to be tender and considerate with our own wounded hearts and spirits, once they are aware that we are people whose life’s travels have not been pleasure trips, but deeply scarring voyages of great peril and stress? We can only find a better world when we become better people, and develop relationships and ties with better people, and even if we are so fortunate, we are but small boats tossed about in a wide and wild ocean. Can we live with the uncertainties of life and accept that what often needs to be changed is not our address, but our very nature? For that is the task that we have been assigned with in life.