Very often in life I find myself in awkward situations. I’m not sure exactly why this is the case, although it is a matter I ponder at least somewhat often [1]. Admittedly, describing the situations in detail would be somewhat awkward, not only for myself but for the other people involved. I am reminded in this case of an issue that the band Toto had to deal with, as they are a band that has mentioned a lot of women in their song titles (“Roseanna” and “Pamela” and “99” among them, as long as one understands that “99” is making a reference to the series “Get Smart,” and the lovely female agent in that series), in which they sought to distance themselves from speculation that their song titles were necessarily about people with the name of their titles. Other singers, like Taylor Swift, seem to revel in making songs about people with the same names as their titles, most notably with “Dear John” being about her ill-fated relationship with singer John Mayer. He, of course, retaliated with a song that is clearly about her called “Paper Doll.” It is a hazard for people to write or sing about other people who are willing and able to defend themselves in like fashion.

Since I often find myself in situations that provide a fair amount of tension or discomfort or at least some level of latent inappropriateness if they are examined too closely, and because I am naturally prone to over-examine everything around me, finding some way of coping with such situations in a way that seeks to limit difficulties is clearly a necessary survival strategy on my part. This is necessary for several reasons, notably that in order to maintain a sense of internal equilibrium and a certain level of health it is necessary to cope successfully with what is a constant aspect of life if one is to survive with any degree of equilibrium. Likewise, in order to deal successfully with others, it is also necessary not to continually draw attention to matters that are uncomfortable or inappropriate, given that most people do not deal well with being constantly reminded of that which is out of place and are more prone to shoot the messenger than they are to change their own conduct to make it less inappropriate or offensive. It is, after all, vastly easier on us for us to seek to justify ourselves than it is to change our conduct, unless the amount of suffering or pain we face is more overwhelming than the pain of change.

As a result, one simply has to roll with uncomfortable situations often in order to avoid making life even more difficult. This was perhaps not exactly what Steve Winwood had in mind when he recorded a #1 hit song with “Roll With It” (along with a hit album of the same name), but the fact that his song was pragmatically focused on dealing with a reality that could not be changed is itself an appealing mindset. It is not any surprise that this same mindset is found in the serenity prayer that says: “God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Such serenity cannot be forced, and it is not an easy thing to achieve. As perhaps is not surprising, those who struggle with serenity, even fictionally [2], tend to focus on precisely that virtue, knowing its importance for survival even if it is not easy to attain.

How are we able to develop qualities that run so counter to our feelings, even when we are strongly aware intellectually that our feelings are a poor guide because they are deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9) and because they might even condemn us even when we are not to be condemned (1 John 3:20)? It is one thing to be told to count it a joy when we suffer various trials (James 1:2) or that we follow the example of God and do what is commendable when we suffer patiently for doing good (1 Peter 2:20-21), but to feel joy or serenity in such situations is a difficult matter. Indeed, we must for long time decide in our wills to do what is right for a long time before there is any kind of equanimity, much less joy, in doing what is right and proper apart from the praise or appreciation or reward we hope to receive for doing it. To do the right thing because it is right, even if we do not receive a reward for it speedily, or even during this lifetime, requires a heart and a will that are dedicated to God’s ways, avoiding bitterness and harshness towards others even while developing the strength to endure suffering and injustice without becoming hardened or losing its tenderness and sensitivity towards others. How to do this well is a task that takes a lifetime, and a lot of help from God and encouragement from others, before we can begin to get it right.

[1] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/embrace-the-awkwardness/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/08/02/matchmaker-matchmaker-make-me-a-match/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/07/10/even-more-company-manners/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/06/16/under-pressure/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/05/25/white-rabbits-on-the-run/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/04/20/just-my-luck/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/04/23/not-really-sure-how-to-feel-about-it/

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/07/30/you-cant-take-the-sky-from-me/