Last year a somewhat obscure album called “Evil Friends” came out, released by the alternative group Portugal The Man. At the time the album came out I was in a particularly sarcastic mood where I had wished to comment about the evil friends of friends who make life more complicated, as well as about one of the songs from that album in particular that was a moderate hit, “Purple, Yellow, Red, And Blue,” which included the catchy hook: “I just wanna be evil” repeated over and over again in the bridge. Since I don’t really want to be evil, I figured it would probably not be a good idea to spend a few hundred words on that particular subject. That said, I was reminded of the subject again today for an entirely different reason, and I thought it worthwhile to examine this subject from a different angle.

Every once in a while, as an observer of those around me, I get to see people being an obvious bad influence on others. For example, I happen to know quite a few people who go on occasional (or more than occasional) diets in the attempt to reduce their food intake enough to lose pounds and change their dress size. Since I work around a fair amount of women, it is not surprising that many of these women are somewhat dissatisfied with their weights and with goals for their weight loss that range from fairly to the extreme. Of course, I am generally a patient listener to such concerns, as I must admit that my weight has fluctuated mostly because of internal psychology as well as persistent digestive issues, rather than being the result of conscious effort. Since this is unlikely to make others very happy with me, I tend to retain a sense of polite silence, similar to my silence when people tell me about their shopping for feminine hygiene products or anything of that ilk.

Yet there is an aspect of these sorts of conversations that I do find of interest, and that is the influence that people have on others. People often choose to find company that relates to some aspect of their identity, about who they see themselves as or who they want to be. In my life I have found myself serving as a mentor of sorts to those who are seeking to develop certain talents and abilities, or with whom I share some passionate interest (music springs readily to mind). At other times I find that one makes friends because of a similar sense of being an outsider in a particular place, or an insider desirous of popularity and political power. At times we choose friends who can help encourage us to behave better, to learn better ways of dealing with life than we might have learned in our lives previously, while at other times we choose friends who are boon companions who share our vices and addictions but who we find to be ‘fun.’

When it comes to the attempt to do something that is desirable but not necessarily pleasant, one has to be very concerned about the quality of those we have around us. An alcoholic struggling for continence, for example, should not hang around in bars with his drinking buddies, as they are likely by their example and the context of the situation to spur on a relapse. Likewise, a person trying to lose weight should probably not seek the blandishments of others to get lots of sweets. We have to decide for ourselves whether we wish to be better, in which case we need to find people to spur us to improvement, or whether we prefer to be comfortable where we are, in which case we will find ourselves around people who sabotage our desires for improvement. Deciding on the company we keep to encourage us to good behavior is a matter of great importance, and one worth taking seriously.