There are times in life where a day seems to revolve around the same sort of concerns. At times, this can be the source of great inspiration, and at times the source of a great deal of frustration. Today, it seemed as if the latter was more predominant than the former. I thought it worthwhile in this particular case to explore some of the reasons why I found this particular day and this particular issue to be so frustrating, as it represents one of the consistent parts of life that I have found to be frustrating and irritating. Perhaps that may not always be the case, but for now it remains a consistent problem.
Early today I finished reading a book [1], and the book was geared towards parents and married couples. It is a bit frustrating to read books that assume things about someone that are not true, but that one would want to be true. While I am generally do not mind reading books that are geared to others and not me, sometimes it can be frustrating when one reads matters from a different perspective that says what one thinks but does not speak at all to one’s current and present experience. The book rather assumes that young men will be married with families of their own. While this might be an ideal, it is certainly not true for me, and it’s a considerably sore subject for me as well, something that I dislike an author not being sensitive to at all.
Then, later this afternoon, I was sent another article to read by a friend of mine. This article, from Focus on the Family’s Boundless, was called “Find Out Why Your Love Life Stinks”, and as is true about many articles about singlehood [2], the article itself manages to attack singles as being selfish. After all, all of the other people who already have relationships, and whose singlehood may not have lasted long at all clearly weren’t selfish by wanting their own marriage relationships, but people who don’t have it yet are selfish for wanting it. That sort of hypocrisy is really upsetting to me personally. I hate being attacked for what I want by people who already have what I want and who appear to take it for granted. Clearly no one should expected marriage to solve all of our difficulties, but most of us (myself included) do not have those expectations and hate being slandered by sanctimonious hypocrites.
To add to this, I spent a significant portion of my afternoon talking with a friend of mine (who is a fellow single) about a Facebook group that was made by an elder for singles between 19 and 35 that we are both a part of. My friend wanted the group to have more of an emphasis on friendship and personal conversation, while I found it awkward to be put in the middle, especially since the group seems to have been too bottom-up for the tastes of some and a bit too top-down for me, even if it is getting better on that front. I must admit that when it comes to singles groups in general I tend to feel rather uneasy, and also a bit highly concerned about my own conduct and reputation. Such matters, as is easy to understand, are rather delicate and complicated. Still, it would be better if this were not the sort of issue that filled my days, frustration over a matter of considerable delicacy and lack of success.
[1] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/book-review-love-and-respect-in-the-family/
[2] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/nobody-wants-to-be-lonely/
Edge Induced Cohesion 
I think the problem with what you were reading is that the authors failed to take note of the fact that there are two types of single people: those who choose to be single because they like to focus on themselves and dread the thought of putting someone else before themselves, and those who are single despite valiant efforts to find the ideal mate and devote themselves to a family of their own. It’s entirely possible to seek and not find despite one’s best efforts. The most grating sort of criticism is that which tells you how much you need to do something but gives you no clue whatsoever how to fix the problem.
The horrible advice I’ve come to see as truth is that the sooner you can learn to be content with the state you’re in, the sooner God will bring someone your direction who suits you perfectly. Striving for a marriage just for the sake of marriage will lead you toward a wife of your own choosing, not of God’s choosing. Be careful to remember the distinction. It can be the difference between a life of misery or of happiness.
LikeLike
That is a wise distinction, and I do not want a wife just for the sake of marriage, but rather I want something that would be godly and appropriate and proper. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with you that the most difficult criticism for me to deal with is to be told that something is wrong or that something needs to be done with no practical advice at all on how to do it. I generally know what I want, but how to go about it is something that I struggle with.
LikeLike
Pingback: The Art Of Catching Flies | Edge Induced Cohesion
That struggle is indeed a difficult one. The best (and only) right way is to go about it using the honest, “truly yourself” approach–don’t seek out a woman for the purpose of dating or matrimony; find people of like mind as friends–both male and female. Anything that would spring forth as anything more than that would come from God, and both of you would recognize it at the right time and place–for it would come from God. You and she would both have seen how each other relate and treat others in social situations; something that is very important, for it is a strong indicator of overall character. So, in other words, this matter is not a weight on your shoulders after all. There is no constraint or time limit at all, regardless of what any so-called “authority” might say. Other people’s opinions are only that–everyone has one (everyone has a nose and mouth, too–but that doesn’t mean anything either–except that they can smell and talk. 😉 It doesn’t mean that they know your particular situation–and if what they say or write doesn’t apply, you are totally free to toss it out like the refuse it is. Why give it any further mind? As you stated, you know your own mind, so stick with it and when people encroach, let them know–in a kind way–that you’re on top of it.
LikeLike
I tend to feel it necessary to write to avoid feeling burdened by it, and then I go on living.
LikeLike
Pingback: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part | Edge Induced Cohesion
Pingback: Book Review: Living Whole Without A Better Half | Edge Induced Cohesion
Pingback: Book Review: A Match Made In Heaven | Edge Induced Cohesion
Pingback: With Brethren Like These, Who Needs Enemies | Edge Induced Cohesion
Pingback: Album Review: Perfect Symmetry | Edge Induced Cohesion