Although the words do not necessarily have anything to do with my own life, my feelings about leaving social events is generally similar to the way that Abraham Lincoln felt when he was closing his first inaugural address [1]: “I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.” Given the fact that I do not socialize nearly to the extent that I would prefer, I tend to linger long when I have the chance to spend time with others (unless I feel I am interrupting something). One might think that with all of the leaving that I have done in my life that I would do it easier, but that’s generally not the case. I’m not the sort of person who really likes to leave at all. Often I have to feel somewhat coerced or pressured into going at least, whether that pressure is from my own plans or at least the pressure of not wanting to keep people longer than they are comfortable with.

Today was a farewell party for four young women who are leaving the Portland area to attend the Ambassador Bible Center, where I attended in 2004. Of the four departing young ladies, three of them were at the party (the other one apparently felt ill; she appears to have serious difficulties with social occasions, even if she is very pleasant company when she has gotten the chance to come). One of the more amusing parts of the fascinating conversations I was involved in was a conversation with one of my friends who brought up a couple of areas of intrigue in my own life. The first was whether it was better to be in a relationship as a student at ABC. Among some people, that particular religious educational institution has been labeled as “Ambassador Bridal Center,” for the large amount of marriages that have come out of it, but given the fact that I was dating a young lady the entire time I was there and did no courting at all, that is not true for all people there, because some people at least go there to study the Bible. That said, perhaps dating during my time there was not a wise idea. For example, dating someone younger and out of state and being known as “unavailable” during my entire time at ABC probably did not help people think of me as available when I became single again, as people had been used to seeing me as off limits, and it would probably have been more enjoyable to be single and available and just able to get to know and socialize with people rather than feeling off-limits to those activities to avoid even the appearance of unfaithfulness.

The other issue was a pretty serious one that I have also dealt with in my personal life. Generally speaking, when I like to get to know someone, I’m generally not interested just in getting to know one particular person (even if it happens to be a very wonderful young lady). Rather, I like to get to know the whole family, siblings and parents and cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and all of that. Generally speaking, I figure that any desire to get to know a particular person well would indicate a desire to be a part of their life, and it means that relationships with other family members would probably be important, since it tends to be important to me (which may come as a surprise to some people!). This does not mean that every time I want to get to know someone well or closely that their family members are particularly thrilled about that (although that would be nice), but rather that relationships with people, whether friendships or anything else, are a part of a larger context that ought to mean that would involve getting to know someone’s family. This is true in friendships, and it is definitely true if there are any other intentions on my part. I have been told this desire to get to know and get along with family members is a fairly unusual one among young folk these days, and I’m not really sure why that is the case.

At any rate, a part of my sociability and friendliness is generally wrapped up with a difficulty in saying goodbye. Today I saw that saying goodbye is not only a hard thing for me but is hard for many others. Perhaps my difficulties in saying goodbye are somewhat subtle in the way that I linger around company fairly long, until everyone else is gone, so that I don’t have to go back to being all alone again. Others, though, are more demonstrative in their farewells, whether that means plenty of hugs or even some people fighting back tears as they prepare to go away and not see others for months or a year (if not longer). I try not to cry at such farewells myself, but it tends to make me feel sad when I see others weeping at such scenes, even if they are people who are far more demonstratively emotional than I tend to be by nature and nurture. Today was one of those occasions where it was especially difficult for many people to say goodbye, as a party started at 11AM, most people were leaving before 3PM, we stayed an extra two and a half hours among mostly young people and (and some of their parents), and then we all went and spent another couple of hours hanging around each other for dinner.

Truth be told, we were all loath to close. Even those who had more than two hours to drive to get back home were loath to close the conversations and return home. There are experiences that seem so significant in life that they feel like much larger endings than even normal social occasions [2], transitions in life that are major and portend very serious matters. In some ways, I feel the significance for the events of other people almost as strongly as I do for myself, feeling the absence of those I have become accustomed to seeing and enjoying their company. Some endings are abrupt, others gradual, but I am not generally a person who is happy with endings, even if all things must eventually pass in the end.

[1] http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/1inaug.htm

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2010/12/29/like-its-the-last-night-on-the-earth/