Over the past couple of weeks, the news feed of my Facebook has been filled with a great deal of sarcastic and strident posts from someone who has newly converted to the lifestyle of being a vegetarian. Included in these posts have been rather insulting and condescending comments that treat those who eat meat with disrespect and ridicule and presume a sense of moral superiority on the side of those who refuse (for whatever reason) to eat meat. This does not sit well with me personally, not least because I am a person who greatly loves to eat meat and because I do not feel it necessary to apologize for that. After all, one time I visited Argentina and with a group of about 20 friends and acquaintances I proceeded to eat so much steak (along with cheese and chicken and other fixings) to make the hotel that was foolish enough to offer these foods at an all-you-can-eat steak dinner for about $1 regret their decision, as was obvious from the looks of great sadness in the eyes of the hotel staff that had to keep serving us more and more steak. Let us make no mistake; I love to eat meat, even though I work hard to avoid gluttony.

What bothers me about the approrach of this new vegetarian, and it is a problem that tends to afflict anyone who is relatively new in a given belief system, is that insulting those in whose company one was not too long ago is not only intensely hypocritical (since novices do not have the credibility to speak about their lifestyle with maturity or credibility). Of course, people ought to be forgiving for the overenthusiasm of the young (whether young in age or young in a way of life) because it is understood that new love does not tend to keep quiet very easily or very well. Those of us who embarrass ourselves by talking about some things too often or openly are in a place to be sympathetic to others who suffer from the problem given our own experience.

That said, if our enthusiasm leads us to attack people and belittle them and alienate them, then instead of having influence with them as we might hope with the same arguments and reasoning that convinced us (and which we may believe is sound because it corresponds to our desire to appear more virtuous than others, or because arguments appealed to our own vanity or pride or inclinations), we tend to inflame others with hostility at our attitude as well as at the bad logic and fallacious reasoning that we use to support our new beliefs that we may not understand well enough to explain to others, especially those who are skeptical or hostile to our ways of thinking.

A far better way of gaining influence with someone else is to behave with love and respect, by providing a good example of how to engage in a certain way of life, a certain hobby or interest, which others may observe us doing and then desire to copy themselves. If our conduct and way of living and behaving is worth modeling, then there will be other people who will desire to follow us, and who will be our proteges. I myself must admit that anytime someone asks me how I do something or wants to do something because I havfe inspired them, I feel greatly flattered, because it is gratifying to know that I have done something well enough that someone wishes to copy my example. I suspect that many others share this feeling.

So, why does the zealous behavior of those who are new converts often fail to achieve the influence they hope? For one, strident statements that are not backed by consistency of conduct or respect and consideration for the feelings and thoughts of the hearer are not going to lead to success. If we desire to influence people, they have to like us and trust us first. Genuine influence comes in the context of relationships, not through the strength of one’s appeal (which may be a turn-off if a relationship is not robust enough). On the other hand, even without the intention to influence, the development of a relationship and the fact that our example and conduct are generally pretty visible to others means that those who like us and trust us may be inspired by our example, and they in turn, if they follow that example long enough, will serve to carry on that influence to others as well. Influenza is like a disease, only a good one.