Lovers are very gracious people. If you have ever been in love with someone, or even in like with someone (which is usually more accurate in my case at least), you tend to be a very gracious person, and not only around one’s beloved. Such graciousness shows itself in many ways, in being quick to understand and not be insulted at what could be seen as slights, in being affectionate and concerned and sympathetic and in caring a great deal with someone else thinks and feels. Such graciousness will be readily obvious to anyone passing through a 60-mile radius of your area or even those who hear of your conduct. It is easy to spot a gracious person.

Grace is not a weapon. It is mercy; it is lovingkindness; it is gentleness and tender affection. Bad things tend to happen when people think of grace as a mere concept or doctrine and not as a practice. When we read the Bible and we talk about the wonderful grace that God has shown to sinners because we are condemned to death for our sins and faults, we can rejoice in our own grace and see others who are more restrained in their conduct and think of them as being cold and proud and legalistic, not free to be themselves. Those who are immature Christians do not understand differences of personality and are prone to think of others who are not exactly like they are as bad Christians. We often tend to overlook such immaturity because we recognize that overenthusiasm is generally what happens when people are young and not yet fully established in their ways of thinking and behaving. This too is grace, but a kind of grace that must be practiced without being spoken of to the people one is gracious to, lest it cause offefnse.

But when such immature Christians achieve positions of power as novices (something the Bible condemns), they are prone to use grace as a weapon, and that has dangerous consequences. It is impossible to avoid deep hypocrisy and deep suffering when someone wields what is supposed to be tenderness and kindness as a weapon against those who are judged as being legalists and in bondage to rules and regulations. When people are somewhat insecure and rule-bound, one’s response ought to be to show love and kindness, to make them feel as secure as possible. (This is a skill I wish I had in larger quantity, but I try to practice it as best as I can.) Once people are secure they too are more likely to be gracious rather than prickly and suspicious. Using grace like a club is not grace at all, merely a weapon with an ironic name that one uses with violence. Those who have used grace like a club, rather than with a gentle hand, have to answer for the wounds they have inflicted in their misguided zeal. The consequences of that harm lie all around us, and have to be dealt with every day for some of us.