This morning I had the slightly uncomfortable experience of being rebuked by someone I did not know (she happens to be a close friend of a recent acquaintance of mine from Portland) who happened to know my writing well and found fault (as many people do) with the tone of what I write, which is often far more harsh than the sentiments of the person writing. It struck me that her tone was not so different than my own tone when I write, with the difference being that I am less easily offended when I recognize someone has the intent of providing help (even if it is done clumsily). In pondering the issue of offense, we have to examine several elements in dealing with the issue of offense, especially in a day and age where communication is archived and can continue to cause offense far into the future, often giving a wrong impression of where someone stands by freezing anger and hostility in time.

It should be obvious that if we are Christians, and we take Jesus Christ’s words seriously, we will understand that God will hold us accountable for every idle word we say (or type) or every idle thought we have. Most of us (myself included) would probably concede, if we were being honest, that there are a lot of idle words and idle thoughts that we have in our lives. Since we all desire mercy for ourselves, if we recognize our own failure to control every thought, word, and deed, we ought therefore to be merciful to others. Knowing how easily that our words and actions can be misunderstood and misconstrued, we ought to give others the benefit of the doubt and always concede that we may not truly understand where others are coming from and the reasons why they believe and act the way that they do. Generally speaking there are always reasons why, even though those reasons are rarely strictly or even mostly rational.

When it comes to offending others, there are essentially three views. Some people deliberately aim to offend. Some people do not desire to offend others, but they are only concerned about themselves and so they are largely indifferent to whether they offend or not. The rest of us desire not to offend. But the desire is only the first step. If one has good motives and good intentions, that does not guarantee in the least that one’s intentions will be successful. It is necessary to have good intentions to be a good person, ultimately, but those intentions are not sufficient to lead to good results. Those good intentions have to lead to careful study and practice in right ways of behavior and a desire to understand others as they are, including their sensitivities, and then a careful and thoughtful response to those sensitivities. I do not pretend to do this perfectly, or even remotely as well as I would wish. Nonetheless, I trust with continued efforts that things will get better.

Why is it that one ought to desire not to offend? For one, the second great commandment is to love others as ourselves. We desire love and respect for ourselves, and therefore we are commanded to love and respect other people. If we are godly people, or aspiring to be godly people, we will have love for others, and that will include a desire not to offend. Additionally, as someone who generally seeks to serve and help and instruct others, it is necessary to avoid causing unnecessary offense because those who are offended are not going to examine the logical nature of an argument or seek to fairly examine the case that someone is making. Instead they will build walls, block out the sound or sight of what is being written, and justify their own (bogus) positions out of self-preservation. Also, when offense is caused in internet communications, the preservation of that communication can keep on causing offense long after the message is typed, especially since people are not often astute at seeing or researching the context of the communication, assuming that it is current and present when it is often not. The end result is that causing offense can not only be a problem today, but for years in the future. And who wants that? Certainly not I.