When I was in the 6th grade, I won my first and to-date only art prize. While there are many gifts that I have been given, graphic arts and drawing are not one of them. We were given the assignment in English class to draw the picture of a horse in honor of the somewhat downtrodden and inglorious but noble-hearted English horse of the novel. I wanted to draw a noble steed, in elegant proportions, but the horse I ended up drawing was a bony and deformed horse on what looked like a blighted lunarscape [1]. I was immensely disappointed with the result, as I wanted to draw a thing of beauty and ended up drawing something deformed and twisted. A few weeks later I ended up winning an award for the best surrealist drawing, and I had to look up what surrealism was, since I did not know. I have long thought, though, that I have lived a very surreal life, and so I suppose that it would make sense that surrealism is what my art would look like, despite my own preferences in the matter.

The second most famous story involving my eponymous prophet occurs in 1 Chronicles 17, when David asked the prophet Nathan if he could build the temple and Nathan was told that David could not. The last part of Nathan’s comments and the first part of David’s reply in 1 Chronicles 17:11-19 is a memorable passage in scripture: “”‘And it shall be, when your days are fulfilled, when you must go to be with your fathers, that I will set up your seed after you, who will be of your sons; and I will establish his kingdom. He shall build Me a house, and I will establish his throne forever. I will be his Father, and he shall be My son; and I will not take My mercy away from him, as I took it from him who was before you. And I will establish him in My house and in My kingdom forever; and his throne shall be established forever.’” According to all these words and according to all this vision, so Nathan spoke to David. Then King David went in and sat before the Lord; and he said: “Who am I, O Lord God? And what is my house, that You have brought me this far? And yet this was a small thing in Your sight, O God; and You have also spoken of Your servant’s house for a great while to come, and have regarded me according to the rank of a man of high degree, O Lord God. What more can David say to You for the honor of Your servant? For You know Your servant. O Lord, for Your servant’s sake, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness, in making known all these great things.”

Today a rather surreal event happened to me that other people might not necessarily find to be all that surreal. I have a scheduled shift from 6AM to 3PM, with an hour lunch that I generally plan on taking at noon. At about 11:45AM today I received a notice that there was a conference call at noon with a company that wishes to have us as a customer. I was one of three ‘key’ employees on the call dealing with questions of reporting to see what they could do with us to help in data integration. The talk went well, and we scheduled a demo on Tuesday morning to see what they have to offer in more detail. It felt somewhat odd for me to be considered a key employee and a subject expert, and it made me wonder if I had somehow stepped into some bizarre parallel universe. Then again, I suppose the fact that this was my second strategic meeting in less than 24 hours [2] means that at least at some level I have some kind of strong interest and aptitude for such strategic meetings and communication of that sort.

Considering that I have a master’s degree in engineering management, I suppose it ought not to be a surprise in my mind at least that I have an interest in strategic meetings, and a certain level of skill in phrasing concerns about how systems are supposed to work in an efficient and effective manner. The problem, as is so often the case in my life, is not one of the mind but rather of the heart. How does one feel that one belongs? It is one thing to show competence and trustworthiness, but how does one feel comfortable for oneself? That is a question that I circle around over and over and over again [3], and whatever I know in my mind, it is a vastly more difficult matter to feel it in my heart. So many of the deepest longings of my heart depend on being able to build trust. To do it right will require all the help from God that I can get; what I want for my life I cannot obtain on my own without help from another place, no matter all of the efforts I have made. Perhaps life has plenty of surprises and surrealism left in store. The night is still young, and so am I, or at least so I tell myself.

[1] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/12/27/book-review-the-age-of-consent/

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/the-usual-suspects/

[3] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/trust-is-what-im-offering-if-you-trouble-me/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/trust-in-me/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/04/13/your-trust-account-is-overdrawn/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/trust-and-the-limitations-of-success/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/06/04/in-the-absence-of-trust/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/book-review-the-speed-of-trust/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/05/12/a-matter-of-trust/