In the normal version of the Bible that I read, Proverbs 24:26 reads: “He who gives a right answer kisses the lips.” Other translations give this verse as “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips,” which is slightly different but a largely similar way of accounting for this saying of the wise. Nevertheless, as someone who is not very familiar with kisses on the lips (sadly), an honest and a right answer can be very encouraging, even in times that are very difficult. I recently finished a book (for review in April) that deals with the question of honesty within the context of the Church, and how such honesty is rare because people fear judgment for their struggles, which hurts our authenticity and also our abilities to outreach a world that is full of broken people with a lot of struggles.

I happen to know that I have a lot of struggles in my own life. I am generally pretty open about these struggles, largely because I don’t have the energy or resources to pretend that I’m okay while working on building relationships and making life better. I’d rather work on being good than looking good, and as a result I tend to be at least somewhat open and transparent. In some ways, my recent life consists of an extended experiment in what one open and transparent person can do in an atmosphere where others must get to know and relate to such a person, with a background that is not often particularly open, with repeated interactions over time that seek to build trust and community and that lead to change in everyone involved as openness and honesty work their way throughout a system. Life is complicated, and we ought to expect that this sort of situation is going to be complicated. And so it is.

I often ponder the way that interactions go in seeking to understand where I stand with others and what others think about me. What I find is that in general the people I have spent time with tend to be fairly open about their struggles with me. While I am a person of fairly strong opinions and beliefs, I also tend to take people as they are and generally appreciate friendliness and respect with everyone, even those who are very different from me, especially if they respond in kind. I don’t like making fun of people or teasing or ridiculing others, and generally I find that even if people may not want to tell me material in their lives that would be blog entry material directly (if they are private), they know that I am not going to make fun of them because their family is poor or they like My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, for example. After all, I’m an avowed fan of Jane Austen novels and my background is pretty poor also, so I can relate to those struggles because of my own, which I am also fairly open about.

What is the eventual hope? Ultimately, I would like to build up strong relationships with people that are based on openness and transparency, where a certain amount of trust is built up, and that ultimately allow for my longings (and no doubt the longings of others in my life) to be fulfilled through the building of communities in the larger sense and smaller and more intimate friendships and (hopefully) a solid romantic relationship that progresses towards marriage. This is certainly not a straightforward task, and it is one that requires a good deal of honesty in a variety of ways. For one, no one is going to want a close friendship with me or any kind of intimate relationship unless they value openness and honesty themselves, and unless they feel a certain amount of trust for me (which I would return in kind). For another, the goals I want take time (as they have already taken a lot of time), and require others to be in agreement. For such things to work, there must be mutual agreement, and that requires honesty and openness, and the time for things to develop and for people and situations to mature. And someday, God willing, there will be a kiss on the lips in a more than metaphorical fashion.