Today I would like to comment on the following quote from a book that I am reading, Boarding Party: The Last Action Of The Calcutta Light Horse, by James Leasor:

“Young men in business or the professions, out from Britain on their first tour of duty in India, joined for several reasons. First, they could live cheaply in the clubhouse, and within days of arriving would be introduced to far more congenial people of their own age and outlook than they could usually hope to meet in as many years back home. One reason for this was the Victorian system of calling to leave cards which was still in the fashion among Europeans in India to a greater extent than in Britain. A new arrival in Calcutta would have visiting cards engraved with his name and address and his company. A friend would then provide him with a list of residents, and he would spend an afternoon touring around their houses, to deposit these cards. After due time, if the people on whom he had called decided they wished to make his acquaintance, they would ask him to dinner. Parents with unmarried daughters were generally among the first to respond with such invitations. Having accepted this initial hospitality, the newcomer was then at liberty to invite them back.”

For a variety of interesting personal reasons that are worth talking about, I am fascinated by the social customs of different areas towards strangers in town. In my life I have done a fair amount of traveling, a fair amount of touring, and moved far enough and drastically enough to have been a stranger in many of the places where I have been. Some areas have been very friendly, and some have not. I must say that no place has greeted me in the way described by Mr. Leasor in this particular passage, although some areas have been quite friendly in providing hospitality in terms of dinner and socializing. I consider myself at least somewhat social as a person, and I enjoy going out and enjoying fine conversation with friends over good food. Being a person who is well acquainted with solitude, and not very fond of it, times where I can overcome such a state tend to be accepted with some relish, unless I have something already planned, in which case I give a rain check.

What can people do to make life in a given area appealing and friendly to outsiders? And why should an area be friendly to outsiders? Let us tackle the second question first, as it is much easier to accomplish something when we know the reasons. An area should be friendly to outsiders for a few reasons. Among them are that the presence of friendly and outgoing strangers can help spice up life and provide variety, learning, and growth. The addition of a new person into an existing situation can help spark changes in longstanding behaviors and provide excitement and fun in a place where people might have gotten too comfortable in their routines and habits. Likewise, new people can help fill gaps that were not done by providing their own skills and talents and perspectives, making an area a better place. Being friendly to outsiders, especially outsiders who are talented and friendly, is a way an area can improve its own well-being.

Once an area has decided that it wants to be welcoming to friendly outsiders, there are a few things that it can do. For one, it must have some people in a gatekeeping role, as it is vital for an area (and the people in it) to understand who is safe and who is unsafe. Likewise, it is also important that strangers have an opportunity to build trust and comfort with others through shared activities, whether it is service, social occasions, or shared performances, depending on interests and abilities and inclinations. Strangers become accepted and embedded within an area to the extent that there is shared time and activity that allows them to show their own character and personality and that also allows others to see this in action and to respond thoughtfully and kindly in response to the service and friendliness of others. By taking the time and effort to build up trust and friendliness, everyone ends up feeling more comfortable and more at home, which is precisely the point.

What are the customs of our own areas? How do they reveal ourselves to others, how do they serve to build up communities, help people overcome loneliness and isolation, and provide opportunities for everyone to work towards the common good and enjoy time spent with each other. We turn groups of people into communities through depth of knowledge of others through their conversation and conduct, through shared commitment to ideals, and through our outgoing concern for others. By knowing our own customs as people and as members of groups and communities, we can help shape our attitudes and respond thoughtfully to those who are currently around us and those who may yet be a part of our communities in the future. Let us act wisely in light of this understanding.