The Melian Dialogue forms a central part of Thucydides’ organization of The Peloponnesian War, featuring a fictional discussion between the representatives of imperial Athens and the tiny and hitherto neutral island of Melos, which sits in the Aegean Sea. Athens has demanded that Melos join the Athenian Empire and pay tribute, while Melos seeks to remain neutral in the conflict between Athens and Sparta [1]. Athens acts like a bully in the dialogue (and in history), while tiny Melos attempts to claim the moral high ground but lacks the strength to defend itself from the mighty fleets of Athens, and lacks the support from Sparta (its mother city) or anyone else to preserve its embattled neutrality. Melos resisted Athens’ demands, Athens invaded Melos and took it over, killed most of the male inhabitants, enslaved the women and children, and then repopulated the island with a few hundred Athenians. All of the pious hopes and ideals of justice of the little island of Melos were helpless before the power of the Athenians (who themselves would later be brought low by Sparta, it should be noted).

Today a coworker of mine told me a tale that I could relate to very strongly. She is a single mother (like many of my coworkers) and has one son who is not a particularly brave young man. In the midst of my walking around I had the chance to talk a little bit about bullying with my coworker, and her fears that her son (who is a bit overdramatic and also a bit wimpy) is not good enough at standing up for himself. I had to face a severe amount of bullying as a kid myself, and the bullying from boys was the sort of matter that could be dealt with in a very straightforward manner. As a boy I got into a lot of fights, and the end result of those fights was to prove that I was strong enough to be worthy of respect. With guys, the proof of sufficient physical strength led to respect as a peer, and that was often sufficient to reduce bullying from guys. Once I entered high school, the sort of bullying I suffered from boys was a thing of the past.

That said, I have always had more problems with girls when it came to bullying. Part of the difficulty is because of my interest in young women, and it is difficult to defend oneself against those of at least potential romantic interest. This has been a frequent sources of discomfort and unhappiness in the course of my life, as might well be imagined without having to go into great detail. Part of the difficulty has been my chivalrous and gallant perspective towards women, and my disinclination to hit women or even to tease them or insult them. Sadly, young women have not felt the same sort of restraint or respect themselves towards me, or else my life would have a great deal fewer difficulties. All too often women view kindness and gentleness and generosity of spirit as weakness. Many of those women who complain about the abuse and disrespect they face from men are all too quick to disrespect those men who happen to treat them with honor and respect. It is too easy for those who are bullied to take advantage of anyone who they do not think will respond back in kind.

Bullying exists in many forms. There is physical bullying, whether it occurs between people or between nations or other institutions. Other bullying and intimidation is verbal in nature, be it through insults and abusive language or through lawsuits or threats. Sometimes people bully others directly, by making fun of them or insulting them or attacking them face to face. At other times people bully others indirectly, by making fun of others in order to intimidate others into being less than friendly towards someone else. However bullying occurs, it does great violence and harm to others and ought to be something that we are wise enough to avoid doing and if we are doing, we ought to be mature enough and thoughtful enough to repent of and strive to avoid in the future, lest we do great damage to ourselves as well as to others.

It is an easy thing for schools these days to put pink ribbons on walls speaking out against bullying, but it is hard to remove bullying from our hearts. Part of the reason for this is that it is far easier for us to hate bullying and protest bullying behavior towards us than it is for us to avoid being bullies ourselves in those areas where we have numbers, power, or great influence. What may seem to us to be lighthearted fun, or deserved criticism, could easily end up being very insulting and abusive and bullying to someone else. And it is hard for us to see ourselves as abusers of others, especially when we are used to seeing ourselves as the targets. Few of us are ever entirely blameless in such matters, or sufficiently self-reflective to avoid treating others as we hate to be treated ourselves. May we do better in this regard.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melian_dialogue