For whatever reason, and I’m not sure if it is a good tendency or a bad one or somewhere in between, I tend to be someone who thinks a fair amount of those who are not a part of my life any longer for whatever reason. I pondered have pondered this subject before [1], but I was reminded of it today at the end of my day at work when some of my coworkers started talking about some of the people who for whatever reason no longer work with us. Despite the fact that I only knew some of these people for a few days, or at most a couple of weeks, I remember them as well. The same is true of other occasions where I have only been around people for a very brief time, but have embedded them within my memories for a variety of reasons. I tend not to think of myself as a particularly memorable person myself, but I imagine if others too have good (or bad) memories that endure despite the brevity of time we have spent together.

The context that we remember people is often important in placing people in our minds. For example, I tend to have a hard time recognizing people outside of the context in which I know them. I’m not sure if this is because I’m pretty good at putting things in boxes in my mind or because of force of habit or whatever other reason, but there is often a slight bit of disorientation when I see someone from church for the first time in more casual clothes (I’m not sure if that disorientation is mutual), even if I know intellectually that they can’t dress that way all the time. I have been told by others that the feeling is mutual. As a college student, for example, my neighbors were a bit shocked when they saw me dressed for church because, in their words, I no longer looked like the UPS man, whatever that meant (apparently I dressed rather plainly in their eyes, I suppose, as a general rule).

That said, the memories we have of others only captures a small amount of their total lives and personalities, something we often realize when we get to know people in different contexts. I’d like to think that I’m fairly consistent across different aspects of life, but I’m pretty sure that some of my work acquaintances would be rather shocked to know of my rather deeply held moral beliefs, simply because I’m a friendly person and not someone who tends to trumpet my beliefs when I know they will cause offense to others. Likewise, I have met many young ladies who have failed to understand that beneath my friendliness and my extreme shyness with regards to intimacy is a very passionate nature that is seldom expressed, leading people who should know better to fail to understand that there is a great deal to my personality beneath the surface to those who wish to dig a little bit deeper. Most people, I have found, are content to dwell on the surface, and I try not to let that trouble me, and rather try to use it to my advantage in avoiding ugly scenes and long and difficult explanations.

I suppose everyone is like that though, and so most people are remembered, however widely and however fondly, only partially. Even with those we love and think we know well, there are always caverns and unexplored areas in life and personality that will not be understood, segments of one’s life that one has simply not shared. Sometimes people never even share the dark corners of their lives and of their psyches even with themselves, leaving them as secrets only known between themselves and God, even if the general outlines of the territory can often be guessed with some degree of accuracy by those who have studied the matter closely. Whether we know someone in intimate detail, having traced the contours of their minds and hearts and bodies through deep conversations and loving thoughts and passionate intimacy, or whether we only know them in a superficial or shadowy and indistinct manner, their memory is often a ghost in our minds, able to be triggered by similar patterns or situations in our lives, showing that no one is entirely dead and without influence as long as they are remembered. It is little wonder, then, that people take such care so as to be remembered.

[1] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2013/04/21/post-mortem/