Today, while helping cover for a fellow teacher’s class, I had to deal with the question of the promises we make to ourselves. As the course is covering the book The Speed of Trust [1], and as trust has always been a considerably thorny question for me personally [2], the subject is a good one to muse upon as it is an area that in teaching others I understand it better myself. To teach theory is an easy matter, but to help others practice the right ways, it is necessary for us to practice them myself. As I struggle very deeply with the question of trust, I do not pretend to be the best person to show trust in action, but I believe that my own desire to develop the right kinds of trust with those people who are worthy of my trust and my willingness to work hard to trust others as well as gain the trust of those whom I respect at least shows an example of how they can act themselves.

Trust is a rare and precious commodity in our lives. Given that the background of most of my students is hardly more conducive to trust than my own background (many students come from backgrounds where alcoholism, neglect, and abuse, whether from family members or oppressive regimes, is rife), it is obvious that many of them struggle with the reality of trust even if the concept of trust is a difficult one to relate to. They did seem to understand the idea of promises, though. Not surprisingly, when I looked at their homework from last week, most of them had promised to themselves to do their homework each day, and seemed to record to themselves that they were faithful in doing so. One of them made a promise to themselves that they would get to sleep by 8PM, a promise I would never make to myself knowing my insomnia as well as my tendency to be a bit of a night owl by nature and inclination.

Seeing the promises that they made to themselves, I pondered on the many promises I have made to myself and others. Today I made myself at least three promises–that I would finish the book sent to me on recent Thai politics (which I did), that I would send an e-mail to the teacher whose class I was covering about it, which I also did, and that I would finish my sermon message for this upcoming Sabbath, which I also did. Future promises to myself this week will probably include practices of the special music I am planning for this Sabbath and no doubt many others.

I pondered as well the nature of just how frequently I make promises to others, and how I am relatively faithful to them. For an entire week I fed rice to fishes and gave medicine twice a day to a student, besides covering classes and study halls, in the middle of a busy and hectic week. Even though the promises were themselves small ones, and not difficult to keep, it is still a rewarding thing to know that one can remember one’s word and keep it even in the midst of many distractions and responsibilities. Knowing that one can keep resolves and be faithful to one’s word is an immensely rewarding feeling, one that builds trust within ourselves as well as among others.

On the other hand, not being able to fulfill one’s promises is intensely dispiriting. Abraham Lincoln, for example, suffered a deep depression, recorded in the book Honor’s Voice, which unfortunately I do not have anywhere near me, because of his inability to keep his engagement with one Mary Todd, which she conditionally released him from originally, leading to great torment. His belief in his unsteadiness of character led him into a deep and lengthy depression that only ended when he showed grit and determination in dealing with a duel [3], faced up to his responsibilities in learning how to respect others in his writings (this is a lesson I have had to learn myself, and it is a painful one), and eventually married Mary Todd. I myself have suffered deeply from my own failures to meet up to my own promises and obligations, the self-condemnation merely adding a burden to the loss of trust and respect from others.

If we desire to be trusted by others, first we must be able to trust ourselves, from which confidence springs. A lack of confidence is generally crippling to one’s attempts to find respect and love from others, and generally speaking we have to work on ourselves before we will get the chance to enjoy close relationships with others. Most people, rather sensibly, do not wish to trust those who are not willing to trust themselves, after all, since they figure we will know ourselves better than they do, and will trust our own judgment on ourselves rather than investigate the matter themselves to see if we are merely being far too hard on ourselves.

Obviously, the issue of trust has a great deal of implications. By starting from inside and moving out, we allow ourselves to become better able to deal with increasing visibility and increasing responsibility, and better examples to others as we grow in our own struggles in our own lives. Likewise, the better we get at being decent and reliable and trustworthy people, and develop the confidence from keeping our word to ourselves and others, the better able we are to inspire confidence in others, and to leverage our character into success and greater opportunities to serve and help others. Sometimes doing good helps us to do well, and we should always take advantage of such opportunities when we have the chance.

[1] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/book-review-the-speed-of-trust/

[2] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2011/05/12/a-matter-of-trust/

[3] https://edgeinducedcohesion.wordpress.com/2010/12/01/how-abraham-lincoln-learned-to-be-a-gentleman/